How do I get over an abusive illicit relationship when I feel that I have nothing left in life?

Answered according to Shafi'i Fiqh by

Question: I was in a haram relationship, and it’s over now. He betrayed me so often the worst thing is I had to suffer verbal abuse. He used to curse at even my parents and me whenever he got angry. He was such an evil person. He didn’t care about me at all. I’m very depressed and traumatized. I’ve got trust issues, and I also suffer from a mental illness. I’m 19, and I feel I’ve lost all my happiness because of him. How do I recover from my heartbreak and from being treated like this?


Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you went through so much verbal abuse and cheating from this angry man. This is precisely the reason that a young Muslim woman should not be in an illicit relationship in the first place. She has no protection whatsoever, and even your parents suffered.


You are strong enough and capable of getting over this pain and forgetting about this man. The very first step is to repent to Allah sincerely for breaking His law and ignoring His displeasure. See this link:

Then start learning about your religion. Learn the basics, what is personally obligatory, read some Qur’an every day, and don’t miss any prayers. Remember that your heart is capable of healing and being filled with the eternal, the love of Allah, Most High. Allah is the only one that deserves your full attention, but emptying your heart first is key. Consider this as a cleansing and the beginning of a new and bright chapter in your life.

Changing your path

To protect yourself in the future, keep away from the opposite gender and follow the rules of gender interaction. This is like building a wall around yourself, so you can’t get hurt by a strange man again. Surround yourself instead with positive and loving friends and family who are a good influence. Focus on school and do your absolute best, even hire a tutor if you must. Get fresh air and exercise daily, along with taking the recommended dose of vitamin D. Pick up a beneficial hobby or skill and put your efforts into that and your education. Consider one of the hundreds of free courses here at Seekers.

At this age, you should not be thinking about boys and how they treat you; you should be developing your mind, body, and soul for your future and, hereafter, free of commitment, sin, and abuse. Channel your grief into du`a and busy your heart with the remembrance of your Creator. Please see the resources below, and may Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

This answer was collected from It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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