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Should I Leave My Christian Husband and Leave My Children Under His Influence?

Answered as per Shafi'i Fiqh by Seekersguidance.org

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

I only accepted Islam after my first child was born. My husband is a practicing Christian. Our children are practising both, which I hate. If I leave him he and his family will give haram food and other wrong things. By staying with him, the children listen to me. He does not want to embrace Islam. What do I do?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. Please forgive me for the delay.

Marriage

Dear sister, I am afraid that your marriage contract is invalid. The longer you stay in this relationship, then the longer you are in a state of sin. You cannot persuade him to embrace Islam.

Children

“If Allah helps you, there is none to overcome you. And if He abandons you, then, who is there to help you after that? In Allah the believers should place their trust.” [Qur’an, 3:160]

I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you to fear for the Islam of your children. Please trust that even if they are no longer under your immediate care, they are always under Allah’s care. You will set a good example for them by by taking responsibility for your mistake and living a life pleasing to Allah.

50/50 access to your children is better than no access at all. I pray that your interactions with them will be positive and nurturing. Be the practising Muslim you want your children to be.

Accountability

For as long as your children have not hit puberty, then they are not yet morally accountable. Nurture them well from now, so that as get older, they will understand the rulings of haram and halal. If they have hearts oriented to Allah, then you do not need to hover around them to protect them from harm. This will require a lot of patience and calm on your part. Please do not succumb to despair and anxiety, and feel that the only way you can influence them is by staying in a sinful relationship with their father.

When registration reopens, I encourage you to enrol in Parenting in Islam: How to Raise Righteous Children.

Please listen to podcasts such as Why Are We Muslim? – Preserving Faith in Testing Times – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani and Content of Character.

Repentance

It will take a tremendous amount of courage for you to end your relationship. As you let go of him, then hold onto Allah.

I wish there was an easier solution for you. Please trust that all heartbreak will come to an end. I pray that the sweetness of obedience to Allah will soothe your troubled heart.

If it is written for the father of your children to embrace Islam, then you can marry him. If it is not, then may Allah grant you far better.

May Allah grant you a beautiful repentance, and make your children amongst the foremost of the righteous. Please keep in touch.

Please see:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Du’a – Supplication for one whose affairs have become difficult

Wassalam,

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

This answer was collected from Seekersguidance.org. It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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