Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I am in long distance marriage, and my husband and I have children. My husband lives overseas and is emotionally absent. I asked him to divorce me.
Is it sinful for me to seek solace in Facebook, especially my male high school friends who have the same interests as me? Is it also sinful if I ask for divorce again?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah ease your sorrow and grant you a tremendous opening.
Raising two small children on your own is extremely exhausting. My heart goes out to you. Do you have family members or close friends who can help you? What kind of self-care can you do on a regular basis? Alhamdulilah, your husband is financially responsible. Please try your best to put aside some money every month for your savings, as well as self-care.
If you feel uncomfortable about seeking solace in Facebook, especially male friends, then that is a sign for you to refrain. Listen to your conscience.
You are only human, and longing for companionship is normal. However, the gender limits in Islam are there for your own protection. Please unplug from Facebook because it can very easily become an unhealthy addiction.
7 Important Reasons to Unplug and Find Space
When you feel lonely, seek comfort from safe places like family and close friends. Have a chat with them when your children are asleep. Arrange for playdates with other supportive mothers at least once a week, or once a fortnight.
Ultimately, the most important relationship you need to to nourish is your relationship with Allah. Make sincere dua to Him every night, Nourish your soul through like listening and reading to Qur’an and making regular dhikr.
I’m sorry that you are struggling to have a emotional connection with your husband. He sounds very troubled, so make dua for Allah to heal him. Suggest that he see a counsellor to sort out his own issues, even if he does not want to seek marriage counselling.
Prayer of Need
Allah Most High says: “….And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” [Qur’an, 65:2-65:3]
Please perform The Prayer of Need and ask Allah to grant you a way out, in a way that is most pleasing to Him.
Prayer of Guidance
Abdullah-Muhaimin bin ‘Abbas bin Sahl bin Sa’d As-Saidi narrated from his father, from his grandfather, who said that the Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said:“Deliberateness is from Allah, and haste is from the Devil.” [Tirmidhi]
Before you make any final decisions, please perform the Prayer of Guidance up til seven times. Watch how things unfold in your life. If your husband softens and agrees to work on your marriage, then please do everything in your power to make it work. If he remains uninterested, then that is your answer.
If you no longer want to stay in your marriage, then please rally a team of supportive family and friends to help you through your journey of healing. Your sons will need you to provide love and stability for them. Your husband will remain their father, and I pray that he remains a positive part of their lives, no matter what you decide.
May Allah grant you courage, wisdom, and patience. Please keep in touch.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.