Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher
My husband and I have been married for one year now and not a month has gone by without him getting extremely angry at me. It had gotten so bad this past weekend that he actually hit I want to save my marriage, but I have now reached the conclusion that we really need a lot of help. Do you have any useful insight as to what we can do to move on and try to make things better?
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful, Praise be to Allah, and may His blessings and peace shower upon our Beloved Messenger.
Sister, I am very concerned about the situation you have just described: one year of marriage with fights every month. Your husband has now gone from yelling to hitting. This is behavior that no woman should tolerate. My feminine intuition is telling me that if your husband’s rages are this out of control and he has actually hit you with his fist, it is not going to stop. In cases like this, the husband’s anger usually escalates until the situation is so out of control that anything can happen. He has hit you and this is something you cannot easily overlook. Once a man knows he can hit a woman and injure her, it gives him a sense of power over her. Unfortunately, many men do not stop, and the hitting usually escalates.
Sister, based upon what I have learned about domestic violence situations, you will have to take the initiative before this abuse gets worse. Your husband needs help immediately before he hurts you again. And you need to go elsewhere until he can calm down and understand how wrong his behavior is. Please go to a safe place where your husband cannot come and abuse you. This is crucial, because, trust me, if you stay, it will get worse.
Go to a safe place and get your father, brother, or some other trusted male member of the community to talk to your husband about how wrong his behavior is. And please arrange for you and your husband to see a marriage counselor. A Muslim marriage counselor would be ideal, but at this point, your husband needs help, so a non-Muslim counselor is definitely an option if you cannot find a Muslim.
Once again, Islam does not tolerate abuse. So please make sure that if you seek the counsel of a Muslim in your community that this person understands how serious this is. Unfortunately, some of our Muslim brothers, some imams included, don’t understand how serious wife abuse is, and will even implicitly condone it.
May Allah help you and your husband to find someone who will assist you in the best way possible.
Zaynab Ansari