Answered by Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam
Question : Obedience to Parents when they are being Difficult
I was currently studying about the rights of parents and grandparents and recently my mother didn’t let me go visit my grandmother and I hadn’t seen her for 2 weeks. The reason being, she wanted me to stay home and clean my room. But she let my older sister visit my grandma because she was visiting from out of town! I got really sad and started crying and in result didn’t even do the things she told me to do! My mom does that many times like she would go to my grandma’s house and not let me go!!! and then here I am studying the rights of grandparents, my older sister told me that my mom has more rights over me and firstly I should listen to her! But I really did want to go visit my grandma, my mom didn’t mean it in a bad way, however, she just wanted me to finish up my house work before I went out but I ended up not even doing that cuz my crying and stuff.
Answer : Yes, your mother comes before your grandmother. As such, you should obey her, listen to her and not be disobedient or disrespectful in any way. The Qur’an orders us not to even utter a word of resentment (such as saying uf/oh) to our parents, then where do you think being disrespectful would stand?
You may be able to persuade your mother in something you may want to do if you are gentle, polite and generally good with her. Persistence with having complete respect normally pays off. For example, you could have said to your mother, I promise I will get the work done as soon as I get back, etc…
Also read the posts on the fiqh of obeying one’s parents.
And Allah knows best
Muhammad ibn Adam
Leicester , UK