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My Brother Refuses to Support his Parents

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Seekersguidance.org

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question: Assalamu alaykum

Can you advise me with regards to a situation and the Islamic perspective please? My brother has migrated into another country and keeps refusing to support his parents but seeks their assistance whenever it suits his motives.

I believe they were quite supportive of him and feel all the burdens on my shoulders. How can I approach this problem, it’s not even the physical needs of my parents but the emotional ones that bothers the most.

Answer: Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

You’re in a very difficult situation. There’s nothing you can do to make your brother help, nor should you try to be forceful in your approach. Helping in a time of need is something which stems from care and concern, but life and relationships are sometimes very complicated.

Don’t Expect Anything

You know your brother, and you know what to expect from him. If he hasn’t helped in the past, the chances are that he will probably stay that way. For your own peace of mind, don’t expect to receive anything from him.

If he does want to get involved, then, by all means, let him. You should not expect anything from him. Doing so will save you from the feeling of being let down when he doesn’t turn up.

Is this fair on you? Probably not. But if he’s not getting involved then you can’t really force him to. Sometimes, Allah makes other people a test for us in our lives to see our reaction. “We have made some of you a difficult tribulation for others of you. Will you be patient?” (Qur’an; 25:20)

Whatever you endure, you’ll be rewarded and compensated fro many times over. Allah is too generous not to reward you abundantly.

Have Empathy

Look at your brother. I don’t know the exact situation, but I’m guessing that there is some experience which has affected him some way. How was his relationship with your family members growing you? How was he with your father?

Many a time, our experiences affect our behaviours. Perhaps he went through something which is making it difficult to engage with your family now. Allah knows.

Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he has a legitimate excuse, Allah knows it. Otherwise, you’ll be gaining from what is literally a windfall. Your service of you father may just end up the means which guarantees you Paradise without any prior punishment of judgement. Would that not be worth it?

Communicate with Him

I think you should try and speak to your bother. Not about his conduct, but about why he feels he needs to be distant. Express what you feel, and how it is affecting you. Listen to how he feels, and how being involved would affect him.

Perhaps you will see each others perspectives, and that may become a bride to clearing matters for you all.

May Allah unite your heats in the best of ways.

Wassalam,
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

This answer was collected from Seekersguidance.org. It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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