Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher
I’m Muslim and African-American. Am I wrong not wanting to marry from my own people because the African-American women I find are only Muslim in name and Islamic garb only with no knowledge about their deen? I mean there are just so many African-American women who say they are Muslim but their character and knowledge of the deen says otherwise. I married a Lebanese woman who comes from a long line of scholars in her family. I truly feel that I have benefited from this marriage than I would if I had married an African-American woman. I don’t want to marry or have a child with African-American Muslims because they just lack the things that real Muslim women are supposed to have.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah. May the peace and blessings of Allah shower upon our Beloved Messenger, his family, companions, and those who follow them.
Dear Brother,
Your are entitled to your personal preferences in whom you choose to marry. I detect that people may have made you feel guilty for “marrying outside your race.” Perhaps, you are even questioning this yourself. Oftentimes people in cross-cultural marriages have to deal with criticism from members of their own culture who feel that people shouldn’t marry outside of their particular race, ethnic group, tribe, etc. It is your business who you are married to.
Now keep in mind that the Prophetic criteria for selecting a spouse are religion and character. I don’t even like to use the term race because it’s a false construct; however, for many people, the race of the intended spouse can be a deciding factor in the marriage. Some people are just not comfortable marrying outside of their group, whatever their group may be. Other people do want to go outside the box. I think it’s good that you are open-minded about cross-cultural marriage.
However, I have to say, from the perspective of a woman who is both Arab and African-American, please remain open-minded about African-American sisters. It sounds like you have encountered sisters that perhaps were not knowledgeable about Islam. However, they are not representative of all African-American women. Please give these sisters the benefit of the doubt. Everyone must learn and grow, and this process proceeds at varying paces, based upon where the person is in life.
I would also be careful about the phrase “real Muslim women.” Who is a real Muslim woman? Who can make that determination? How can we say that, for example, Arab sisters are “real Muslim women,” yet African-American sisters are not? Remember, only Allah knows the state of a person’s heart, the quality of her iman, or where she will end up in life. That is not for us to determine.
May Allah bless you and your marriage.
And Allah knows best.
Umm Salah (Zaynab Ansari)