My question is related to question ID#4152 as I keep gettting the feeling that I did not paint the correct picture and I might still be committing a sin as I feel I was a bit unclear in my question before and it has come to a point where I am unable to do anything properly now and my family life is being affected due to the thoughts that I get.
I am not sure if it’s relevant but I would like to give a little bit of a background on this please.This is to let you know that I never ever contemplated or even toyed with the idea of divorce until all this happened.About a year and a half ago I was doing extensive research on divorce for personal reasons because I used to say to my wife that she could go to her parents ‘ house etc (but as far as I can remember I did not have the intention and no allusive words came to mind ever) when saying that.Then after doing research on the internet and reading different scenarios and Q&A’s I started to get waswasas and doubts about divorce thinking that what if god forbid I had meant it but I was never certain as I kept applying those on myself.As I read more and more I got more confused and what also started happening was that whenever I would get even a little bit tired or even into a minor argument with my wife or sometimes even a normal conversation I would get this hammering thought of divorce through my head.It was like somebody saying like the proper words of divorce ( I am not sure what it is actually and how it starts but it just started and wouldn’t go away until I yelled at myself or did something to talk myself out of it etc).This thought would hammer through my head saying words like I …. you and just kept repeating until I yell at myself down or talk myself out of it.Usually I would be telling myself that it was nothing and that it would go away but it got to a point where sometimes I would be scared to get into a very simple conversation or argument with my wife due to this and it has been like that since.Needless to say I started becoming extra extra careful with everything.
A few examples of the above would be when I read somewhere that if my wife performs an action and if a thought comes to my mind then divorce happens so I asked my wife to stop drinking tea because I couldnt control this feeling(without any reason) and while she was drinking tea I started getting this feeling (no fights between us or anything) but later on a mufti sahib told me that unless I specifically mention my niyah in words it does not count.Another thing that I started doing was that every chat that I had with my wife I would later go over it again and again to see if I had accidentally said something god forbid in that regard.Another one is when initially when my wife asked me to put some medicine on her forehead at night and I would be tired while Id be applying the medicine I would keep getting this voice/feeling.Once it happens I cant have a conversation with my wife at all as then I focus all my energies on countering this.Sometimes this gets so frustrating for me that I have to stop doing everything that I am doing and step back to get rid of this feeling.
I am not sure if the above is related to this but I am seeking a fatwa on the following when I was talking to my wife on the internet (chat) and we started talking about her visit to her parent’s house. I do tend to get a bit angry when this topic is touched as she keeps saying to me that I never let her go to her parents’ house etc but I believe I don’t really stop her from doing that..Now I am seeking a fatwa for the following that I said to my wife on chat” you have been wanting to go for such a long long time.i mean you know as well as i do you should go to your hearts content”.
But in the above case I just remember that I had started getting this hammering voice and feeling out of nowhere saying the divorce word to my wife going through my head numerous times and something like another feeling like I dont care (I think I got this feeling not sure as I can’t remember much about the incident) and that was repeating as well.I would like to remember what happened after that but all I remember is all these thoughts going through my head and then I think I kind of blanked out as I usually do when I get this kind of feeling as mentioned above.I don’t even remember when I typed these statements.I keep thinking it was either once or after twice but I am not very sure about it so it could have been more or less than that as well. I had no control over my thoughts.I am not sure when it started and when it ended.I dont remember atleast having any intention and then suddenly this happened.I roughly remember that right after the feeling ended I just realised I might have said something like that and suddenly I felt I kind of snapped out of it and tried to be normal.I saved the chat to look at it later (as I usually do and did not pay much attention to it as many times I would save the chat in the past and then nothing would come out of it) and It is only that when I later checked the saved chat that I realised I had said. I was surprised and extremely worried to see those exact words as I didnt even remember saying those words.
Now I am really confused as to what happened and would like your feedback on this please.Was this an intention please and does this count as a divorce (if yes how many as the voice keeps going only through my head?)
Another question that I have is that prevously (initially, prior to the incident mentioned above) when I was getting these very strong waswasas last year after reading up on this I was told by another mufti that one way to get rid of them was to perform the nikkah again this way there was no uncertainty left around these issues so I ended up doing that again with my wife but now after all this has happened I realise that it was just a waswasa as I never ever had any such allusive words or thoughts (as above) had come to me before when saying such a thing.In this case, does that nikkah hold any solid ground according to Shariah or is it regarded as null and void?
Please help.I have also attached the whole chat for your reference.
me: return will be around 22-23 jan or do you want to make it even later? i can do later
wife: Yeah I said end of jan I was thinking 28th/29th jan
me: okay ill ask her if tickets are available
wife: Cool
me: should i do first week of feb? i mean i dont mind you mihgt as well stay there for a month and a half atleast you have alwyas been wanting to go plus ali will spend time with nana nani?
me: so the further you go out the easier it will be to get tickets mid of feb easiest or end of feb even
wife: Noo.That’s too late
me:you have been wanting to go for such a long long long long time.i mean you know as well as i do you should go to your hearts content
me: so that you never ever feel that i was the cause of not letting you go somewhere ill be here alone for a month and a half anywayno bigy there just enjoy this time you have been wanting to do this for ages i know let me see if mid to endFeb is available anyway ill give you the options
wife: Noo that’s too late i am trying to see for a week or so inshALLAH coz when we fight we say wrong things sometimes and i am asking you myself if you would like to stay there for more time? as you always say to me that girls go to their parents house
me: yeah but in any case its not the wrong reason innit?
wife: Leave it for end of jan
me: trying to make you happy for any reason should be a good enough reason innit?
wife: I want u to go so u can get a break and relax. U want me to go so I don’t say to u in a fight girls go to their parents houses. We have two extremely different reasons.
me: yup because i think people should not do unjust things in fights and they should realise what good things happened to them and that their spouses are not unjust
and if they lie or say things to hurt each other thats not fair so i alwyas try and prove that what you say in a fight is unjust if its unjust be it masALLAH your parents visitng you
or you visiting them we have it better than anybody else i know alhamdulillah so i want your comfort bhai you said you feel rested when you visit your parents
and that you have never ever had that time coz you couldnt spend time after the kids birth so now i am looking for you to make it upand i swear theres no malice there i just want you to not miss out on that that’s all?
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