Q: I am really worried with a problem which is very big for me right now. This mail may be big. But for Allah’s sake, help me. I asked you a question a few years back regarding my husband taking his office colleague in his car to jummah salaat and dropping her at her home. This was without my knowledge. You said it is not allowed. I’ve shown the mail to him. The woman and my husband decided not travel. Now again after all this time, I am a mother of 3 boys aged 6 5 and 1 year. I am a stay at home mother. As a wife I fulfill every duty and responsibility of mine to the fullest and as a mother also. My husband and I had a fight over his picking up a neighbor from the Hindu community from his office. I asked him to stop it and he agreed, Promised me. Then two years later I found on his phone a few whatsapp messages saying you are beautiful and some more than friendly chat of whatsapp messages with smiles and lol’s. He is 37 now and the girl is maybe 25. He was loving me a lot. Literally he and I shared a very special bond. I felt blessed that Allah has given me a loving and caring husband and three beautiful kids. My family was perfect. Suddenly this girl comes. I asked him to stop taking her in his car as I feel possessive in these things. I don’t want another woman to sit in the front seat. He hit me back then. I was pregnant with my 3rd baby. Then he realized and said sorry. I was kept in the dark all this time. He was cheating behind my back. He says he was only friendly with her. Picking her up. Dropping her at home. But why do this without my knowledge. Now he hits me a lot. Says he can leave me (divorce) anytime if I make a fuss out of it. What should I do. I feel lost, suicidal. But I care for my kids. I don’t want to hurt them. If something happens to me. They will be left alone in this world. I was hospitalized with all this shock. My BP thyroid sugar levels are high now. I can’t bear this anymore. Please help me.
A: I am disturbed to hear of your condition. I make du`aa that Allah Ta’ala remove this difficulty from you and bless you with immense happiness in this world and the next. Aameen.
In the face of the predicament you are in, there are two aspects to understand. The first is your relationship with Allah Ta’ala which is of primary concern. The secondary relationship is that of your husband. I do understand that your relationship with your husband is indeed important but remember that your relationship with Allah Ta’ala is of utmost importance.
Perhaps this difficulty you are experiencing is actually an excuse for you to strengthen your relationship with Allah Ta’ala. Spend more of your time on the musalla making du`aa to Allah Ta’ala and begging Him to assist you in this difficulty. Be punctual on your five daily salaah and obey Allah Ta`ala in every aspect of your life. As far as your husband is concerned, show him the respect he deserves but don’t get consumed in what he is doing. Try to advise him as much as you can and leave the rest to Allah Ta`ala.
Allah Ta’ala in His kindness rewards such women abundantly. There were many women in the past who were greatly oppressed by their husbands but because of their firmness and perseverance, Allah Ta’ala rewarded them with immense rewards. Among the highest ranking women in this world and the hereafter is Hadhrat Aasiya, the wife of Fir`oun. She was oppressed and tortured by Fir`oun but she persevered and remained firm on Islam. As a result, Allah Ta’ala blessed her with such a lofty status that she is ranked among the four highest ranking women in Jannah.
Focus your time and effort on your children. Instill true values and morals in them. Shift your concern away from your husband and direct all your time and effort on your children. Let it not be that they also follow in the footsteps of their father. Don’t waste your valuable time fighting and screaming with him. This will affect your children’s upbringing.
At the same time, do not become depressed and drowned in your worries. This will give your husband and in-laws a chance to allege that you are mentally ill and that you are not fit to look after the children. You may then, even lose the custody of your children. Be strong, have courage and place your full trust in Allah Ta’ala and you will definitely find Allah Ta’ala to be on your side.
Make a point of reciting the Qur-aan Shareef and making zikr at home. Daily, gather your children read out some portion from the Fazaail-e-Aamaal. The recitation of the Qur-aan and noble Ahaadith of Rasulullah [sallallahu alayhi wasallam] will bring about enormous barkat in your home.
Insha Allah there is hope that Allah Ta’ala will open up your husband’s mind and grant him true understanding. Even if he doesn’t come to his senses, at least your children will not be neglected in any way.
May Allah Ta’ala remove your worries and bless you with happiness in this world and the next.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)