Q: I want to ask the most important question of my life. Please answer me. I am married since 12 years. I have three daughters. My husband is nice, takes care of me and our girls but he has just one very bad habit; he talks to other women on the net and phone and he talks real bad things and these ladies I don’t understand want kind of women they are. I don’t know if he has any physical relations too or not. It’s very painful. I have tried every thing. He himself says that there is nothing missing in me but he just can’t leave this habit and he don’t want to leave it too. What should I do? Should I stay in this marriage as I have 3 daughters who need their father or should I leave? I personally don’t want to end my marriage but its not easy to tolerate all this what should I do?
A: I am disturbed to hear of your condition. I make du`aa that Allah Ta’ala remove this difficulty from you and bless you with immense happiness in this world and the next. Aameen.
In the face of the predicament you are in, there are two aspects to understand. The first is your relationship with Allah Ta’ala which is of primary concern. The secondary relationship is that of your husband. I do understand that your relationship with your husband is indeed important but remember that your relationship with Allah Ta’ala is of utmost importance.
Perhaps this difficulty you are experiencing is actually an excuse for you to strengthen your relationship with Allah Ta’ala. Spend more of your time on the musalla making du`aa to Allah Ta’ala and begging Him to assist you in this difficulty. Be punctual on your five daily salaah and obey Allah Ta`ala in every aspect of your life. As far as your husband is concerned, show him the respect he deserves but don’t get consumed in what he is doing. Try to advise him as much as you can and leave the rest to Allah Ta`ala.
Allah Ta’ala in His kindness rewards such women abundantly. There were many women in the past who were greatly oppressed by their husbands but because of their firmness and perseverance, Allah Ta’ala rewarded them with immense rewards. Among the highest ranking women in this world and the hereafter is Hadhrat Aasiya, the wife of Fir`oun. She was oppressed and tortured by Fir`oun but she persevered and remained firm on Islam. As a result, Allah Ta’ala blessed her with such a lofty status that she is ranked among the four highest ranking women in Jannah.
Make a point of reciting the Qur’aan Shareef and making zikr at home. Daily, gather your family and read out some portion from the Fazaa’il-e-A`maal. The recitation of the Qur’aan and noble Ahaadeeth of Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) will bring about enormous barkat in your home.
Insha Allah there is hope that Allah Ta’ala will open up your husband’s mind and grant him true understanding. May Allah Ta’ala remove your worries and bless you with happiness in this world and the next.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Zakaria Makada
Checked & Approved:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)