Answered by Shaykh Yūsuf Badāt
Question:
I write in regards to seeking some clarification in relation to words and phrases used by a husband to his wife and possible connotations [if any] this may have on the marriage.
A wife had been on the receiving end of psychological and emotional abuse from in laws and her husband. This led to her family having to take her away to the safety of her parent’s home until a resolution was found to reconcile the parties. Despite efforts from many angles by the wife’s side, the husband’s side simply refused to agree to talk things through, kept procrastinating and delayed any possible discussion by months on end.
In the meantime, the husband has on several occasions messaged via text and said via phone a number of statements which we require some advice on. There is also an instance in which he stated a phrase or two which we also require some guidance on.
Statement on 20th July: If you are ready to understand and cooperate with your husband and realize it is only getting worse then come forward properly in my way and I will consider your feelings. If not, assalāmualaikum from me and may Allāh guide you.
In a phone call during ‘Eīd Al-Adḥā, the couple were in a heated discussion on the phone. The husband was making accusations and derogatory comments, the wife had questioned his line of thinking [as it was not making sense and was on the war path], he stated, ”If that is how you think of me, do not bother coming back.”
Finally, a week ago, the families had a chance to meet, during which accusations were levied from both sides. When a discussion took place between the husband and the father in-law [acting on behalf of his daughter, the father in-law was asked aggressively, ”Do you want to fix this or do you want me to officially give you her a divorce and you can take that back with you.” To that the father in-law said, “No I do not want it [meaning there is nothing left to fix], do what you want to do, finish it off and that is it (ie, give the divorce and we take our leave)”. The Husband then replied, “Okay.” The father then said, “That is done, let us leave. Finished.” All parties, numbering 10 witnesses saw this and heard this. Sadly, acknowledged the end of the conversation.
Has divorce taken place? Your guidance on the matter will be greatly appreciated.
Answer:
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم
In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Jazāk Allāh Khayr/ Thank you for contacting Mathabah Institute.
Inall three statements described in the question, divorce has not taken place unless the husband intended those words to mean “divorce”. If there is no intention of divorce by the husband then the quoted statements cannot constitute a divorce. – (See: Rad Al-Muḥtār, Vol 3, Page 296, Dār Al-Fikr[1], Al-Fatāwā Al-Hindīyyah, Vol 1, Page 384, Dār Al-Fikr[2] , Badā’i Al-Ṣanā’i, Vol 3, Page 25, Dār Al-Kutub Al-‘Ilmīyyah[3])
“‘Abd Allāh Ibn Yazīd bin Rukānah narrated from his father, from his grandfather (may Allāh be pleased with them) who said, “O Messenger of Allāh! I irrevocably divorced my wife.” So he asked, “What did you intend by that?” I replied, “One (divorce pronouncement).” He then questioned, “[Do you swear] By Allāh?” I stated, “[Yes] By Allāh.” He clarified, “Then it is as you intended.”” – (Tirmidhī 1177)[4]
Only Allāh knows best
[1] فالْكِنَايَاتُ لَا تَطْلُقُ بِهَا قَضَاءً إلَّا بِنِيَّةٍ أَوْ دَلَالَةِ الْحَالِ وَهِيَ حَالَةُ مُذَاكَرَةِ الطَّلَاقِ أَوْ الْغَضَبِ – كتاب الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين رد المحتار ج ٣/ ص ٢٩٦ دار الفكر
[2] قَوْلِهِ كَنَمِّ لِأَنَّهُ اسْتِقْبَالٌ فَلَمْ يَكُنْ تَحْقِيقًا بِالتَّشْكِيكِ لَوْ قَالَ بِالْعَرَبِيَّةِ أُطَلِّقُ لَا يَكُونُ طَلَاقًا إلَّا إذَا غَلَبَ اسْتِعْمَالُهُ لِلْحَالِ – كتاب الفتاوى الهندية ج ١/ ص ٣٨٤ دار الفكر
[3] وإنْ دَخَلَتْ عَلى الزَّمانِ فَإنْ كانَ ماضِيًا يَقَعُ الطَّلاقُ فِي الحالِ نَحْوُ أنْ يَقُولَ أنْتِ طالِقٌ فِي الأمْسِ أوْ فِي العامِ الماضِي لِأنَّ إنْشاءَ الطَّلاقِ فِي الزَّمانِ الماضِي لا يُتَصَوَّرُ فَيُجْعَلُ إخْبارًا أوْ تَلْغُو الإضافَةُ إلى الماضِي ويَبْقى قَوْلُهُ أنْتِ طالِقٌ فَيَقَعُ فِي الحالِ وكَذَلِكَ إذا كانَ حاضِرًا بِأنْ قالَ أنْتِ طالِقٌ فِي هَذا الوَقْتِ أوْ فِي هَذِهِ السّاعَةِ يَقَعُ فِي الحالِ وإنْ كانَ مُسْتَقْبَلًا لا يَقَعُ حَتّى يَأْتِيَ بِأنْ قالَ أنْتِ طالِقٌ فِي غَدٍ أوْ فِي الشَّهْرِ الآتِي لِأنَّ الطَّلاقَ يَحْتَمِلُ الِاخْتِصاصَ بِوَقْتٍ دُونَ وقْتٍ فَإذا جُعِلَ الغَدُ ظَرْفًا لَهُ لا يَقَعُ قَبْلَهُ – بدائع الصنائع ج٣ / ص٢٥ دار الكتب العلمية
[4] عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ يَزِيدَ بْنِ رُكَانَةَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ جَدِّهِ قَالَ أَتَيْتُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنِّي طَلَّقْتُ امْرَأَتِي الْبَتَّةَ فَقَالَ مَا أَرَدْتَ بِهَا قُلْتُ وَاحِدَةً قَالَ وَاللَّهِ قُلْتُ وَاللَّهِ قَالَ فَهُوَ مَا أَرَدْتَ – الترمذي ١١٧٧