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Mother having lustful doubts regarding her son

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by DarulIftaBirmingham

Answered by: Aalimah Siddiqa al-Farsiyyah


Assalamu alaikum,

My question is regarding Huramte Musaharah. My son is almost 7 years old. He is turning 7 in December this year In shaa Allah. I usually kiss him and love him and bite him all with motherly love and hug him too. There are few times when i was kissing him the bad thought came to my mind like when I kiss my husband just that thought but obviously I never wanted to do with my son.

And again tonight I kissed him on his lips and bite on his lower lip with love when suddenly again my husband came to my mind. I am sure I did not have lust for my son. It was just a sudden flash of thought but i still kissed or bite my son’s lower lip with love and that wrongly making me think that I had lust.

Astagfirullah I cannot have lust for him. But I am a person full of waswasas and then I started googling as I read somewhere about hurmat e Musaharah. I am already dealing with lots of waswasas these days. Can you please tell me whether my nikkah with my husband is valid?

What is in the case when I am not sure whether I kissed him with lust or not and have doubts?

I did not have any discharge or anything. I just went into the toilet to check and my pant was damp that might be due to going to the toilet earlier due to praying namaz or due to me discharging a lot these days. I am sure when I kiss him that time I did not have any discharge coming out. Just the bad thought came. When I checked myself in the toilet, by wiping there was some minor discharge but that might have been already there. I am not sure. What happens in case of having doubts about having lust or not? I am sure I can’t have it but now doubting myself

I usually change clothes in front of my son as I regard him very little. Is that ok? I also wash him with water in toilet and bath him too. All that is fine?  He still sleeps with me and my husband in bed as he doesn’t have a routine of sleeping on his own. He is not confident to sleep in his room yet. He is turning 7 years old this December 2018. Is my nikkah with my husband valid?

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Since you have mentioned that “I am sure I did not have a lust for him” and are only having doubts of experiencing lust or bad thoughts, those doubts will not be taken into consideration and can more likely be the whispers of Shaytaan. Therefore, Hurmat e Musaharah will not occur based upon mere doubts. [1]

In the case where if you did in fact experience lust when kissing him, still Hurmat e Musaharah does not take place as he is still an underaged child. For Hurmat e Musaharah to take place, it’s necessary that both a girl and a boy are in their adolescence which, for girls is the age of nine years, and for boys is the age of twelve years, as these are the ages when they usually reach maturity. [2]

With regards to changing clothes in front of your child, it won’t be permissible to completely be naked in front of him, despite his young age. You should keep your back and front including your knees covered from him. [3]

Fully changing clothes is not only against the etiquettes of modesty, but it can also implement a bad and immodest behaviour in the child’s mind.

Lastly, as for bathing him, it will be permissible as a mother is allowed to look anywhere at her child until the child reaches maturity, especially when there’s a need for the mother to clean the child.

[1] al-Qawaid al-Fiqhiyyah p.25

[2] Raddul Muhtaar 3/35, Darul Fikr

[3] al-Mukhtasar al-Quduri p.30, al-Misbah

And Allah knows best

Answered by Aalimah Siddiqa al-Farsiyyah

Checked and approved Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

This answer was collected from DarulIftaBirmingham.co.uk, which is run under the supervision of Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah from the United Kingdom.

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