How do I deal with quarrelling parents?

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by AskOurImam.com

As-Salamu Alaikum

I wanted to know, as a child of parents who constantly have problems (i.e. for e.g. once in 2 months or so they have a problem then they don`t speak to each other – sometimes up to 1 week and more-) this has a mental effect. Can you please give advice.

 

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We understand you are at crossroads between loyalty to your parents and the fact that their quarrels is having a mental effect on you. May Allah grant you patience. Ameen.

It is important you maintain respect and love of your parents and fulfil their rights. You may encounter difficulties due to the actions of your parents, but always be mindful of the words of Allah:

Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and do good to parents. If any one of them or both of them reach old age, do not say to them: uff (a word or expression of anger or contempt) and do not shout at them, and address them with respectful words. And submit yourself before them in humility out of compassion, and say, `My Lord, be merciful to them as they have brought me up in my childhood`.[1]

You must seek help through patience and prayer[2]. Verily, Allah is the changer of hearts. Pray for peace and love between your parents. Allah Ta`ala says:

And He [Allah] creates harmony between their hearts[3]

And:

And He [Allah] creates love and compassion between the spouses[4]

Furthermore, explain the matter to your parents with wisdom and love and try to reconcile the quarrel between your parents with utmost respect and gentleness. It may be some misunderstanding or something very simple which ignites a conflict between them. Try to identify the cause of their conflicts and try to be as useful as possible to create harmony and accord between them. Allah Ta`ala says, “Make peace between them.[5]” You may also speak to your parents separately and express to your father the love, good words and affection your mother has for him and vice versa. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

He who makes peace between the people by inventing good information or saying good things, is not a liar[6].

Verily, Allah does not put in vain any efforts of those who seek goodness[7]. Maintain hope in the assistance of Allah as believers do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah[8]. We hope and pray Allah makes them the coolness of each other`s eyes.

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Hanif Yusuf Patel

Student Darul Iftaa
UK

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

References
[1] وقضى ربك ألا تعبدوا إلا إياه وبالوالدين إحسانا إما يبلغن عندك الكبر أحدهما أو كلاهما فلا تقل لهما أف ولا تنهرهما وقل لهما قولا كريما واخفض لهما جناح الذل من الرحمة وقل رب ارحمهما كما ربياني صغيرا

[Al-Qur`an, 17: 23-4]

[2] واستعينوا بالصبر والصلوة

[Al-Qur`an, 2:45]

[3] والّف بين قلوبهم

[Al-Qur`an, 8: 63]

[4] وجعل بينكم مودّة ورحمة

[Al-Qur`an, 30: 21

[5] فاصلحوا بينهما

[Al-Qur`an, 49:9]

[6] عن أم كلثوم بنت عقبة أخبرته: أنها سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول: ليس الكذاب الذي يصلح بين الناس فينمي خيرا أو يقول خيرا

[Saheeh al-Bukhari, 2546]

[7] إنه من يتق ويصبر فان الله لايضيع أجر المحسنين

[Al-Qur`an, 12: 90]

[8] ولا تايئسوا من روح الله ، إنه لا يايئس من روح الله إلا القوم الكفرون

[Al-Qur`an, 12-87]

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