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My mother and my wife are constantly having disputes in the house. What should I do?

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

1. I am the only one earning at home because my is mentally sick so I take care of the business and also do a job. But my mother says that nothing belongs to me it all belongs to my father and whenever I ask for cash always there is a quarrel. Who is right? Me or my mother?

2. My mother recently went to home country where she said a lot of bad things about my wife. Whereas I see there is nothing much wrong. My mother complains that when my younger sister comes to our home my wife should ask her and then cook the food. Now this time my mother told my wife’s brother’s wife that make my wife understand that what she is doing is wrong. So one day my wife’s brother’s wife had a quarrel and started shouting at my wife and said that your mother in law also said to me to explain to you and etc. etc.

So then my wife called me. I was talking on skype so I took the laptop to my mom and confronted her with everybody. My wife’s brother’s wife said that yes your mom said everything. My mom agreed at that time and then later disagreed. Can you please tell me what to do? I don’t want to leave my parents as they are old and cannot keep my wife separate as my mother has control of the cash in the house.


In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We understand the situation that you are facing with your family. Sometimes things can get difficult in life but you just have to know how to work your way through them. You should constantly engage yourself in dua for Allah to help you through your difficulties.

However, a person has certain obligations upon him which he is required to fulfill by Shariāh. Your parents have rights over you and so does your wife. You should not violate the rights of your parents in order to gain the pleasure of your wife and neither should it be vise versa. You should try to seek a solution or a way out in which you are fulfilling your parents and your wife’s rights as well as keeping both of them happy at the same time. Speak to your mother and your wife individually and help them understand the problem and how to resolve it. Help them understand that they have to compromise on certain things. Everything in life cannot be perfect.

Alternatively, if you still feel that things are just not working out right and you have enough money to keep you standing on your feet, try looking for a job through which you may sustain your family. Move out from the house that you are currently living in and go live in another house with your wife. This way you will avoid having disputes and arguments in the house. After all, seek help from Allah to sort out the problems for you.

We do not understand what you mean by “…my mother says that nothing belongs to me, it all belongs to my father.” According to Shari’āh, if you are earning money, it belongs to you. You are at liberty to use your income as you wish within the dictates of Sharia’āh. You may serve your mother and earn her duas. However, if you have enough income, your wife is entitled to her own shelter and privacy.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mawlana Abdul Hannan Nizami,
Student Darul Iftaa

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

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This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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