Assalāmualaikum Sir. I am a BSC final year student. Currently I am undergoing a marriage problem. Two years ago, I fell in love with a girl who is Muslim. So then it continued for almost two months. Her parents got to know the relationship and broke it. So we both ended after that incident. Anyhow, after some days her parents spoke with my parents and they came up with an unexpected wedding proposal.
Then they just exchanged words and decided to have our marriage in another three years. After this incident, they never allowed me to interact with the girl, even to see or speak, even by phone. I just kept silent and concentrated with my studies without thinking about other things. So till last month it was the same without any interaction. Then one day, I got a chance to see her and also to speak to her. It was last month.
However, after this meet-up I didn’t like her. I mean I didn’t like her behavior and qualities. So overall I am feeling like we both should not get married. I am scared to marry her and suffer for the rest of my life since we both don’t suit. So I feel now that I am totally trapped. I discussed this with my parents, but they seem like they are not agreeing and they are forcing me to marry the same person in the year 2012.
I am really struggling without having an option. What I am saying is that I can’t live with a girl I don’t like. So why are they forcing me? My mother is asking me how she can tell the girl’s house and won’t they blame her? Also she said that I am spoiling my parent’s respect. Sir, tell me the Islamic point of view of what I can do please.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
You have stated that the marriage has been decided by mutual consent of the parents of both parties. In this situation, rather than making a haphazard decision, it is appropriate to consider it with an open mind. There may be very small issues that are causing you distress, which may possibly be solved through minute efforts. Therefore, we suggest that you weigh the pros and cons. Consider consulting an experienced personality who cares for you.
Consultation will give you a broader understanding of the matter and will assist you in making a decision. Also make Istikhārah (seeking good from Allah) as this will guide you towards making the right decision.
Nevertheless, the final decision is for you to make. Despite consultation and Isthikhārah, if you still feel that you will not be happy in this marriage, then there is permissibility to withdraw from the engagement.[1] Have an experienced individual speak to your parents and explain to them that this is a life-long decision. Then you can kindly inform the girl’s parents that after much consultation and Istikharāh, you consider it to be in the best interest of both parties that this marriage does not take place. However, we again emphasize that such a decision should not be made hastily.
We also wish to point out that your interaction with the girl was Harām. You should make sincere Taubah and never interact with a ghair mahram woman unnecessarily and in violation of the Shariah Laws of hijāb. Such interaction is detrimental to one’s spirituality.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mawlana Abdul Azeem bin Abdur Rahman,
Student Darul Iftaa
US
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net