I am at junction in life from where I can not move on. I was not a good practicing Muslim until recently. May Allah forgive me for what I have done. I can not even write it down, but I want guidance from Allah and it is through learned people like you I can find my path.
I have been in a relationship with a girl, who claimed to be Christian. we spent time together she was interested in us getting married. However, I told her to learn Islam first but at the same time did not want to force her to revert for the sake of religion but for her own self. Then she got pregrnant and everything became horrible. I did not want to kill a life for my wrong doing. I could not leave her as well as this would make her completely against Islam and she might hate it because of me. I went to her country with her where we registered as per the state law (which I was told by an Imam was acceptable). After that however I started living in the state of guilt.
I have crossed the line and ignored my religion and my family as well, as they would not accept such a thing. After a while I left the country after she gave birth to a boy. I wanted to perform his Aqeeqah along with circumcision. but as per the doctor the head of the child could not be shaved and it was too early for circumcision. This made me insecure and I started questioning as I realised that the family was Buddhist yet the girl said she was chrisitian but does not follow anything of Christianity. I told her the complications of the relationship and that she had to come out clear. Now its been 5 months that I have left the country. Still in the marriage bond (no Nikkah) which to me stands immaterial. She claims that she is studying Islam and wants me to be there when she accepts it. About a year ago she even went to a mosque to revert but then did not do so saying that she did not know much about the religion. Now she is calling me back again. I am worried about my son. If I am not there than his up bringing would not be the way that I want it to be.
That girl sound really nice and God fearing but has done somethings that has left me in doubt and I can not trust her words. I know nothing is legitimate in our relationship but if we reperform our marriage (Nikkah) and she accepts Islam will it be legitimate or not. I can not live a life of sins anymore. I beg Allah all the time for his forgiveness and pray for her that may Allah guide her to the right path and open her heart. when she talks, she sounds like a believer but still is taking time to accept it. Due to political nature of her family she mentioned before as well that WHEN she becomes Muslim she can not practice it openly. I think that is the thing that is keeping her back. I need your guidance on this please. Should I try to make it work or am I doing more sin by staying in this relationship.
Assalāmu `alaikum Warahmatullāhi Wabrakatuh,
There are many people who are stuck in life and do not know how to proceed. They feel ashamed of their condition and do not discuss their issues with anyone. They remain stuck in that condition. Allah Taala guided you to seek guidance. This is tawfeeq from Allah Taala. He wishes to guide you and bless you with hidayat. It is also encouraging to note that you have become conscious of Deen recently. It is the barakah and blessing of this consciousness that you are seeking Deeni counsel on your issue. May Allah Taala keep you steadfast in Deen. Aameen.
You did not state to us how the marriage was registered in the country of the girl for us to determine the Shari legitimacy of the marriage. Nevertheless, our advice to you is if the girl is sincere in accepting Islam and there are all indications of her wanting to be a Muslim, you should strongly consider her request to go over to her, especially since you too have inclinations towards her. Make it very clear to her that you are a conscious Muslim and you will not compromise on your Islamic values. If she accepts Islam, perform Nikah and live with her. That will give you the opportunity to be with your biological son and raise him with Islamic values.
If the girl cannot openly practice Islam in front of her parents, tolerate that. When she lives with you in your country, you could make an effort on her and build her confidence and strength in Ieman. As time goes by, conditions change and circumstances change. She may deal with her parents accordingly.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best,
Muftī Ebrahim Desai
35 Candella Rd, Durban, South Africa