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Is this ok? Is it permissable to attend women-only functions? (like bridal and baby showers, mehdi, dinner parties etc.

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Is it permissible to attend women-only functions? (like bridal and baby showers, mehdi, dinner parties etc.) Usually they just eat and talk, sometimes play games, give gifts etc. I know it is not allowed to attend if music is played. My wife feels it is an opportunity to “dress up” and take off her hijaab.

Answer

Jazakallah for the question which you have submitted to the institute. You ask about ladies attending women’s only functions. Alhamdoelillah, it is commendable that all of us should be very aware of Allah Ta’ala’s command to lower our gazes and to avoid socializing with non mahram men/women. These are commands directly from Allah Ta’ala to not only protect our imaan, but also our modesty, honour, chastity and by extension, our marriages, our families, our community and also society.

Women only parties are acceptable. Giving gifts to friends, neighbours, relatives and even those whom we have quarreled with are commendable. However, there is no precept in the Sunnahs for bridal and baby showers. We need to take heed and not end up aping the trends of the kuffaar. For instance, when a woman gets married, gifts are given to her by family members and friends depending on their closeness to her and also according
to what they can afford. The same applies when a baby who is born.
Baby and bridal showers impose certain conditions on individuals who are invited to these parties. They are obliged to take a gift for the baby or the bride. These gifts are opened in front of everyone and the donor’s name is mentioned. A person of modest means may find that to avoid embarrassment to herself, she will go and buy an expensive gift she can ill afford.

What is more disturbing about bridal showers is that some
of the games played by the ladies are totally out of keeping with modesty. The haya which women are supposed to maintain amongst themselves is being discarded too. I don’t know about elsewhere, but here in South Africa, disturbing reports have been received about “strip tease acts”, singing silly songs, imitating actors, actresses, some TV programs, performing ridiculous poses and other such cheap imitations of the kuffar lifestyles are carried out in these parties.

A lady who has financial constraints will be hard pressed to meet up with the bills of attending bridal and baby showers. She will feel obliged to give expensive gifts like the rest of her circle of friends. This could somewhat put a damper on her ability to socialize within her circle of friends. Another factor to consider is that when one gives a gift, it should be wrapped up and one should not make a show of the gift one has given. If one has bought an exquisite or expensive gift, pride could enter one’s heart as this gift may be considered the best gift from the rest.

As far as mehndi functions are concerned, it is acceptable to attend them if they are not considered as a “must” and essential to attend. If they are treated as a customary event and if no offense is taken if one does not attend, then it is fine. If this function is considered a must before a wedding, then it is an impermissible event and it becomes impermissible to attend. There is no precept in the Sunnah to have a formal event or party for “mehndi” before a nikah takes place. One has to keep in mind that if one attends any event, as long as it is permissible and acceptable, that’s fine. However, if any act or action introduced into the event leads to impermissibly, one has to shut the door on the unacceptable action immediately.

Shaitaan has the ability to interfere with our imaan in the sneakiest of fashions. And fashion is what it is all about. Those of us who live in the west, are bound to become attached to western events which have no connection to our lives as Muslims. Some customs from the Indian subcontinent have also been carried over and made “part” of the Islamic culture. These events put families through unnecessary expenses and they end up indulging in luxury they can ill afford. Extravagance, wastage and acts of show are not permissible and are detested by Allah Ta’ala.

Recreational and sporting activities with friends and family are essential as we need to keep healthy in body and mind to continue with our daily ibaadah. However, we should keep in mind to ” Do the right thing.” Recreation and sports can be a form of ibaadah if done with the intention to remain healthy. They can easily turn into a tool for shaitaan if we allow our actions to stray into unacceptable domains.

Whenever we as Muslims get together, let us try to remember the virtues of the following Hadith. ” Every gathering on the day of Qiyamah will be a means of regret, but that gathering in which Allah Ta’ala was remembered.” Even as we socialize and have fun, let it be such that Allah Ta’ala’s rahma and blessings remain with us.

May Allah Ta’ala make it possible for us to commence and end every deed with the intention of earning HIS pleasure and may HE strengthen friendship and kinship ties between all Muslims. Ameen.

and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best

1SOCIAL DEPT.

CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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