Asalaam aleikum, I would like to know how I can find a wedding partner if Amy parents are not looking for one. Is it prohibited then to talk to men.Because how will I ever find someone to marry.Please give me an answer, I donnot know what to do. I would like to have some guidance with this.
Nikah – Choice
Islam is a complete code of life which is the single formula that will bring
us bliss and joy in this world and the eternal life of the hereafter. It is
the system designed by our creator, Allah Ta’ala who alone has complete and
perfect knowledge of the intricacies of human nature. On no issue of
importance to our daily life is the Shari’ah silent. Every aspect has been
addressed where we have been given such guidelines that are simple yet all
encompassing. The critical juncture of Nikah has also been graced with these
beautiful guidelines. The choice of your partner in marriage is absolutely
crucial since your entire future and that of your offspring rests on it. We
have been given such beautiful guidelines in this matter which are sure to
bring great joy, if only we could subject ourselves to it. The brevity of
this article does not allow us to discuss the wealth of information on this
subject. However, we will suffice with just two Ahaadith.
THE CHOSEN BRIDE
The first of these Ahaadith contains guidelines for the prospective groom.
Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, “Generally four aspects are
considered in a woman when choosing her for marriage. These are her wealth,
social standing, beauty and Islamic character and piety. Become successful
by giving preference to her Islamic Character and piety”. (Mishkat). When
one realizes that marriage constitutes a situation where the problems of
daily life as well as the burden of domestic and social responsibilities
have to be faced with ones partner, then the wisdom of the grounds of
preference becomes very clear. To a very large extent the very Deeni
character and Jannat of the coming generation is influenced by the mother.
While the beauty of a woman is important to the level that there should be
some natural inclination, making this the basis, as is so often done
nowadays, is the height of foolishness. It must be realized that once the
attraction wears off, it is the personality you will have to live with. Only
the fear of Allah Ta’ala will create within a woman the spirit to give
preference to her husband and children over herself. For a woman of piety
looks at the gains of Aakhirat, not the small sacrifices of this world.
THE CHOSEN GROOM
We can well appreciate the vital need for having a wife of Islamic stature
especially in the modern and permissive society in which we live where women
are subjected to such propaganda that is coldly calculated to strip her of
any decency or desire to be a submissive wife and loving mother.
The second Hadith deals with the guidelines given to a prospective bride and
her family. Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, “When an offer of
marriage is received from a person whose piety and character pleases you
then accept this proposal. If you do not do so, then great Fitnah (mischief)
will spread on the earth” (Mishkat).
Here too we find parents generally basing their selection upon the wealth
and social standing of the groom, while scant attention is paid to his Deeni
character. Aside from the disastrous and far-reaching consequences with
regard to the Aakhirat of our daughter and grandchildren, we often find
ourselves having to come to terms with the disastrous domestic situation of
our daughter. Wife bashing, neglect, coming home at ungodly hours,
infidelity are just some of the vast spectrum of heart-breaking problems our
daughters are faced with. Surely a preference of Deeni character would have
given us the inner peace of heart that all these problems had been avoided.
This would be coupled with a warm sense of satisfaction achieved by the
wonderful sight of the Islamic nurturing and development of our
grandchildren before our very eyes. The fruits of this can never be matched
by all the treasures of this material world put together.
Consider just one incident from the lives of Sahaaba (Radhiyallaahu Anhum),
where their abstinence from the wealth of this world is clearly exhibited.:
Thaabit Bunaani reports that Yazid bin Muawiya (The ruler of that time) sent
a proposal for the daughter of Abu Darda (Radhiyallaahu Anhu). The proposal
was rejected. One of the members of Yazid’s court gave him Dua and requested
permission to send a proposal for himself. The permission was grudgingly
given. This person thereafter sent a proposal which was duly accepted. This
created quite a buzz amongst the people who could not fathom why the rulers’
proposal had been rejected while that of a lowly courtier had been received
favourably. Abu Darda (Radhiyallaahu Anhu) explained his action likewise, “I
looked towards my daughter and imagined the day when eunichs (Court
servants) would be at her back and call and she would be surrounded by
wealth and people. Where would her Deen (Desire for Aakhirat and abstinence
from this world) be in those days?” (Ahmad, Hilyah).
Editor