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Inlaws dont accept me as im bi-racial married 7years, we have 1 son and 1 daughter, our children are welcome but not me…

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

married 7years, we have 1 son and 1 daughter, our children are welcome but not me, they do not allow my name in their house. what am i to do? divorce as my husband doesnt defend me?


Jazakallah for writing to the institute and seeking assistance for your problem. It is indeed sad and unacceptable when a revert sister is rejected by those who should know better. When you say you are bi-racial, what do you mean and what is your husband’s race group that it causes your in-laws to reject you? Considering that you have been married for seven years, one would expect that your in laws prejudice would have waned and that their hearts would soften towards you.

Allow me to suggest that you decide to get on with your life even though your in laws do not have the courtesy and humility to acknowledge you. You have two children and a husband. Focus on strengthening your relationship with your husband and claim back your role as mother and wife. They should keep you sufficiently busy with household chores, love, attention and care. Pour your energy where it is appreciated. Your husband has to deal with his failure to help you to become integrated in his family. Try not to make it your burden. We cannot force anyone to accept nor love us.

Our beloved Nabi (salallaahu alayhi wassallam) is reported to have pointed out that one’s piety is more important than one’s wealth, beauty, lineage and nationality. A white person has no greater claim than a black person. Everyone of us are Allah Ta’ala’s creation. If I reject you on the basis of your race group, I am the loser. If I refuse to accept you as a fellow Muslim, I am the one who is incurring Allah Ta’ala’s wrath. There is no room for pride in Islam. It is said that a person with an atom’s weight of pride will not see Jannah. Unfortunately, we fail to practice the faith we claim to be our own.

Please arm yourself with the knowledge of Islam by attending classes for reverts (if you have not done so already). Learn about and find out what a blessed woman you are since you gave up your previous way of life. It is only through Allah Ta’ala’s guidance that you came to Islam. Empower yourself with the knowledge that you can only attain in reading the Sunnah and the Quran with understanding. Most of us born Muslims sadly lack full knowledge of what is required of us by Allah Ta’ala because we have become customary Muslims and we do not practice the Sunnah at all as we wish. We have no problem in breaking teh commands of Allah Ta’ala as set down in the Quran. You will have an edge on many of us if you empower yourself with Deeni knowledge.

Forgive your in laws for their bad treatment of you but do not give up on your family. These children are yours and you have a great role to play in their lives as their mother. Teach them the beautiful deen of Islam and teach them to accept all races and groups as they are all the creation of Allah Ta’ala. Dear sister, try your utmost not to give up on your deen and your children They need you to be a good role model and teacher to them. Please feel free to write again and explore ways in which you can deal with this painful situation you find yourself in. May Allah Ta’ala soften your in law’s hearts towards you and may He assist your husband to help his parents to accept you too.Ameen.

and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best


CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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