I am 23, not yet married and a university student. I have a problem with committing zina, fornication. I do pray my namaz, go in jamaat, follow other commandments of deen and consider deen very important but after sometime nafs becomes stronger and leads me to this terrible sin again. I then do tawbah and start again but after a few months I again get the urge and am lead to sin. My parents want me to finish studies before marrying, so that I can support them and my wife, but what can i do NOW. Can I marry without telling them? They live in another country. I know if I keep fasts, it will be fine for just a few months but then the same problem will arise again.
Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding your problem of returning to zina after making efforts to avoid it.
Allow me to suggest that you continue to fast as frequently as possible, get up for tahujjud salaah every night, join the jamaat as often as possible. Read the Quran with understanding as frequently as you can throughout the day and make abundant istigfaar and dua that Allah Ta’ala guides you towards Him and away from your nafs and shaitaan.
At the same time it is important that your parents should be aware of your difficulty and the major problem which you are faced with. Parents need to realise that besides sending their sons for professional qualifications and higher education, they should give much thought to their children’s spiritual well being. When a young man leaves his parental home and goes to study in the west, no amount of information can prepare him for the ‘culture shock” which is bound to hit him. He is thrown into an environment which attacks his senses and soul at every level, seven days a week and for twenty fours a day. Shaitaan is assured of more numbers joining him in Jahannum.
Parents need to be more realistic and exercise wisdom before they impose the harsh condition on their sons to complete their studies before they can get married during this period. The risk of substituting the gardens of the aagirah for the filth of this world is not a wise choice. No amount of qualifications and wealth earned from such qualifications can undo the harm to the young person’s imaan. Parents have to understand too that their sons are human and that their sexual drives are greatest in this period. Allah Ta’ala has in all His mercy provided for marriage to take place as soon as a man is ready to get married.
You have a right to (and I put it that you must ) get married as soon as possible. Your imaan is being eroded by your activities and you have no guarantees that you will be able to withstand shaitaans onslaught any longer. Please inform your parents that you need to get married immediately and that you need their blessings. It is not right to do so secretly as they are supporting you and funding your studies. I suggest that you choose a spouse wisely using the guidelines set down by the learned elders. Do remember that your future wife will be exposed to the environment which you are in at the moment. Please prepare her and do your best to lead a life according to the precepts of Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) so that you can lead your way to the Gardens of Jannah and raise pious children.
It is entirely up to you to lift yourself out of this quagmire you find yourself in. Remember, Allah Ta’ala does not and has not misled you. You are allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by your nafs and by shaitaan. It is entirely up to you to give up what you know is harmful to you and find yourself back on the was to the seeratul mustaqueem. May Allah Ta’ala guide and protect you,ameen.
I suggest that you show this mail to your father if he refuses to allow you to get married. Insha’allah he will realise the danger you are in and allow your marriage to take place as soon as possible.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
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CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai