This is a 22 years old boy who is studying and also doing job. Please help me out! I made a lot of money from my job in early age which spoiled me. As I grew up, I got involved into unethical activities. I have committed Zina with a girl I like. I want to stop these sin but I need your help. The sexual desires of mine are at peak and I really need to fulfill them. I want to secretly Nikah with someone (any girl) and keep the physical relation for couple of years until I actually decide to marry with my family’s involvement.
Please note that I cannot get married right now due to family issues and also I don’t want to spoil someone’s life just because i want my desires to fulfill. To all of you our there I have multiple question, please answer if you can.
1) Is that a good idea to secretly Nikah with someone?
2) If I do that, will i have to declare that Nikah during my actual Nikah? Or if i divorce that girl, do I need to mention that in my real Nikah nama? And same for girl, does she need to mention that she is divorced in her actual nikah?
I am aware that divorce is not good option but I will be telling this to any girl I Nikah with. I just want to avoid the haram relationship and make it halal by Nikah. I hope you will help.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We take note of the contents of your e-mail. It is clear that you are experiencing an overwhelming guilt of zina. That is a sign of your Iman. Make sincere tawba for the sin of zina and resolve never to repeat the sin.
The enjoyment of zina is temporary and the burden of it is greater. Zina incurs the wrath and anger of Allah and deprives one of barakah in one’s life and earnings.
We refer you to the following hadith:
فَقَالَ عَبْدُ اللهِ كُنَّا مَعَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم شَبَابًا لاَ نَجِدُ شَيْئًا فَقَالَ لَنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهُ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاء
While I was walking with `Abdullah he said, “We were in the company of the Prophet (ﷺ) and he said, ‘He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power.”[1]
In this hadith, Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam advised to get married. Carnal desires are natural and need to be fulfilled. You are of a marriageable age. Discuss this with your parents and marry. You also have the means to marry. There is barakah in this. You should not marry secretly. There are many challenges and harms in a secret marriage. If you cannot marry now due to whatever reason, practice on the second prescription of Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam. Fast as much as you can to contain yourself. Also abstain from all those avenues that will jolt your carnal desires.
Listen to the commentary of Qaseedah Burdah by Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb (Hafizahullah) for reformation purposes.
It will be useful to identify a spiritual guide and stay in the company of pious people.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Aboobakr Siddeeq bin Mufti Amjad Mohammad
Student Darul Iftaa
Azaadville, JHB, South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.