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I love a girl but cant marry her

I really love a girl and she loves me as well.

I want to marry her but unfortunately im still in school and she is also studying.

I do not have any source of income and I don’t want to marry her and be living of my father’s wealth

The situation is becoming increasingly difficult for me because I feel like there is nothing for me to do and I am scared I might end up committing zina. I am even having severe problems in falling asleep at night.

My family do not know about her and neither do hers. Please advise me.


In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

You state you really love the girl and she too loves you. The golden question is how real is your love for the girl and how real is her love for you? If your love for her was really real, you would have taken appropriate steps to be with her. You would have overcome your fear for your parents and discussed your real love for her and the need to get married to her. Remember, real love overpowers all fears. You state, the girl too loves you. How did you determine that? If she really loved you , why is she not making an effort to be with you? Why is she not discussing the issue with her parents ? If you would get married to her and not provide for her , would she still stay with you and sacrifice in the name of love? All that remains to be seen.

 We advise you to take control of your emotions and be honest in answering these questions. You would soon realize that the love you refer to is not real as understood. It is an infatuation and  mere thoughts. Such persuasions are from the nafs and shaitan. 

Defend your Imaan and chastity from the onslaught and whispers of shaitan. Turn to Allah and make Tauba for giving in to the thoughts of infatuations. Cry and beg to Allah to take away such thoughts from you. Avoid all contact with the girl. There will be withdrawals in you. This is similar to the withdrawal of stopping from drugs.All you need is courage. Your mind and heart will get used to the absence of the girl in a few days time and you will be normalized. At the moment, there is an emotional imbalance in you and you are thus abnormal. You will have to normalize yourself with courage and Imaan.

 You are young and your sacrifices will earn you great reward. Consider the following hadith 

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ سَبْعَةٌ يُظِلُّهُمْ اللَّهُ فِي ظِلِّهِ يَوْمَ لَا ظِلَّ إِلَّا ظِلُّهُ وَشَابٌّ نَشَأَ بِعِبَادَةِ اللَّهِ

Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, There are seven persons whom Allah will shade on a Day when there is no shade but the shade (of the throne) of Allah. Among the seven one is a youth who is nurtured in the worship of Allah. (he fights his nafs and obeys Allah)

مسلم باب فَضْلِ إِخْفَاءِ الصَّدَقَةِ

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Syed Haneef Ahmed

Student Darul Iftaa

New York, U.S.A

Checked and Approved by,

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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