i am 23 years old and i love a girl in my college. She is also my classmate. We have never talked face to face but we talked on facebook for about a month and then we stopped chatting. We are looking forward to marry each other within a year or more. In the meantime can we talk to each other sometimes on facebook to remain in touch. What i mean here is to exchange greetings and asking about health etc and that too rarely may be once in a month… if we cant do this, kindly tell me a way wherein both of us would not feel missing each other or ignoring each other.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
It is prohibited for one to be in general and casual contact with a ghair-mahram (a person with who nikaah is permissible) of the opposite gender. There is a great possibility that the general contact may blossom into a love relationship and lead to haram. It is precisely for this reason Shariah has prohibited free mixing with the opposite gender and made lowering of the gaze compulsory.
Allah says in the Qur’an,
ولا تقربوا الزنا إنه كان فاحشة وساء سبيلا
“Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils)” (Surah al-Israa V 32).
قل للمؤمنين يغضوا من أبصارهم ويحفظوا فروجهم ذلك أزكى لهم إن الله خبير بما يصنعون
“Say to the believers they should lower their gaze and guard their private parts, that is purer for them. Allah is Aware of the things they do” (Surah al-Noor V 30).
وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَى جُيُوبِهِنَّ …الخ
“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms…” (Surah al-Noor V 31)
Contact with the opposite gender is like touching a live wire. One will be shocked and could risk the loss of his life. Likewise, the unnecessary contact with the opposite gender kills the spirituality as he follows his lust and desires.
In your case, your wish to be in contact with the girl in reference is the consequences of your previous contact. If you did not have the previous contact, you would not have had this desire in you now. The previous contact has created an urge and uneasiness in you to be in contact with the girl now. If this feeling is the consequence of your previous contact, imagine the consequences of being in contact again or having continuous connection with her. You will have demands of other feelings in you. Allah forbid those demands will also be trespassing the limits of Shariah like this present feeling. Shariah wishes for you to live a normal peaceful life. Do not deprive yourself of the peace by introducing the contact of ghair-mahram women in your life. You may think you will be more peaceful. However you will be in more grief and pain.
If you wish to marry the girl in reference, propose to her and marry her. There would then be a need of missing her as she will be yours.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student Darul Iftaa
Leicester, England, UK
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.