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How Can I Get Over My Desire of Wanting a Certain Man To Propose to Me?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question:

I started having feelings for my sister’s brother-in-law for a while now. I always thought about making dua that he’s written as my spouse in my qadr (destiny). I still hope that Allah will open doors for me. But he barely knows me, we don’t talk, and I don’t have the guts to send a proposal to his family. I supplicate that if he’s not good for me that Allah removes him from my heart. I can’t get him off my mind, though a proposal coming from him seems impossible.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I want to commend you for keeping within the lines of gender interaction and for keeping your distance from him.

Unrequited love

What you are going through is very difficult, and there really is no guarantee that this person will propose to you. The best thing that you can do is to speak to your sister to mention the idea to the family and see what happens from there. She doesn’t need to say that it’s coming from you. Continue to pray for what is best, and try to make dhikr when he comes into your mind, so that you don’t develop a bad habit or negative train of thought.

Options

Really, it will either work out in the way that you wish, or you will have to mend your heart and walk away. Pray the prayer of Need, and during this time, you should prepare yourself for marriage. Take a course on your personally obligatory knowledge and a course on marital obligations and rights. Busy yourself with good and leave it in the hands of Allah. Be prepared for anything, and don’t get attached to this idea.

https://academy.seekersguidance.org/enrol/index.php?id=282

https://seekersguidance.org/courses/absolute-essentials-of-islam-hanafi-getting-started-with-your-belief-and-practice/


Please see these links as well:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/how-to-get-over-unrequited-love/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/any-advice-for-detaching-my-heart-from-someone/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/love-someone-not-love/

Given the considerations in such cases, please consult reliable local scholars about the specifics of the situation. 

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

 

This answer was collected from Seekersguidance.org. It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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