Answered by Shaykh Abdurrahman ibn Yusuf Mangera
I have a debt question, both monetary and otherwise.
I once worked for a family taking care of their child, but I was physically abusive to the child (astaghfirullah). I ended the relationship with the family a few months after starting it because I knew it was wrong. I returned to the family’s apartment, hoping to confess and to apologize, but they had moved, leaving me with no way of knowing where in the world they are (they may have moved back to India). So, how do I apologize? (How much energy and money should I spend scouring the country for them if they’re unlisted?) And, do I owe them the money I was paid for doing the job?
Related to this, if I’ve wronged others in the past without their knowledge (in even a minor way), do I let them know now, even if it’ll hurt them and our current pleasant relationship?
Assalamu alaykum
In the name of Allah, the Inspirer of truth.
One is required to make his best attempts to seek forgiveness. However, this does not necessarily entail spending large amounts of money to do so, unless of course the person wants to make sure that he gains forgiveness directly from them.
In your case you should enquire around from their neighbors, relatives as to where they have moved and make contact with them. If you are unable to do so then you can pray for them, seek forgiveness for them, and even give some charity on their behalf. The following prayer of forgiveness may be useful:
اَللّهُمَّ إِنِّيْ أَسْتَغْفِرُكَ لِكُلِّ ذَنْبٍ لِّيْ وَأَسْأَلُكَ أَنْ تَغْفِرَ لِيْ مَا أَحْصَيْتَ عَلَيَّ مِنْ مَّظَالِمِ الْعِبَادِ قِبَلِيْ فَإِنَّ لِعِبَادِكَ عَلَيَّ حُقُوْقًا وَّمَظَالِمَ وأَنَا بِهَا مُرْتَهِنٌ اَللّهُمَّ وَإِنْ كَانَتْ كَثِيْرَةً فَإِنَّهَا فِيْ جَنْبِ عَفْوِكَ يَسِيْرَةٌ اللّهُمَّ أَيُّمَا عَبْدٍ مِّنْ عِبَادِكَ أَوْ أَمَةٍ مِّنْ إِمَائِكَ كَانَتْ لَهُ مَظْلِمَةٌ عِنْدِيْ قَدْ غَصَبْتُهُ عَلَيْهَا فِيْ أَرْضِها أَوْ مَالِها أَوْ عِرْضِها أَوْ بَدَنِها أَوْ غَابَ أَوْ حَضَرَ هُوَ أَوْ خَصْمُهُ يُطَالِبُنِيْ بِهَا وَلَمْ أَسْتَطِعْ أَنْ أَرُدَّهَا إِلَيْهِ وَلَمْ أَسْتَحْلِلْهَا مِنْهُ فَأَسْأَلُكَ بِكَرَمِكَ وَجُوْدِكَ وَسِعَةِ مَا عِنْدَكَ أَنْ تُرْضِيَهُمْ عَنِّيْ وَلاَ تَجْعَلْ لَّهُمْ عَلَيَّ شَيْئًا مُّنَقِّصَةً مِّنْ حَسَنَاتِيْ فَإِنَّ عِنْدَكَ مَا يُرْضِيْهِمْ عَنِّيْ وَلَيْسَ عِنْدِيْ مَا يُرْضِيْهِمْ وَلاَ تَجْعَلْ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ لِسَيِّئَاتِهِمْ عَلىٰ حَسَنَاتِيْ سَبِيْلاً.
70. O Allāh, I seek Your forgiveness for all my sins. I ask You to forgive me for all my wrongdoings [mazālim] against people that You have recorded, for there are many rights [huqūq] and dues [mazālim] owed to Your servants that I am burdened with and for which I am hostage [murtahin]. O Allāh, even if these (wrongdoings) are many they are insignificant in comparison with the magnitude of Your forgiveness. O Allāh, any male or female servant of Yours who has rights upon me, in either that I have unjustly taken from him [ghasabtu] in regards to his land, possession, honor, body; whether he was absent or present; or he or his representatives demanded it from me and neither was I able to return it to him nor did I seek release of it from him. So I ask You through Your benevolence, generosity, and abundance of what You possess that You satisfy them on my behalf, and not give them a position over me that will decrease my good deeds; for You possess what You can satisfy them with on my behalf and I do not possess what to satisfy them with; and do not allow for their bad deeds to find a path over my good deeds on the Day of Judgment. (From the Prayers of Forgiveness that Save from the Hellfire by Hasan al-Basri, to be published soon).
In some cases where it would cause more harm than good to make them aware then you may follow the procedure above in praying for them. In either case, the payments you received would be lawful for you as long as you fulfilled the obligation placed on you of teaching the child.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalam,