Answered by Shaykh Yūsuf Badāt
Question:
A few months back I had a very bad fight with my wife. I sometimes lose control of my mind, and say and do things which I do not intend to do, or say. During these times of rage, I hit myself to the extent that the next day most parts of my body are in pain. I also break things and sometimes attack my wife out of anger.
The time I uttered the forbidden words, my wife and I had a very bad argument. She raised her voice to the extent that neighbours could hear us, and was slamming doors very loudly. I lost it. I have been known for anger issues, and wanted her out of the house as I did not want to attack her (I have done so in the past, and hated myself for that). She kept yelling at me and disrespecting my family. I got so angry, and afraid of my temper, that I asked her to leave the house until I had the chance to calm down. She would not, and before I knew it, I started to hit myself, my house, my belongings within it, and then attacked her. I was like that, far gone in rage, in this state. I was also crying and hitting my head with a side-lamp.
After this moment, I have no recollection of saying the words of divorce. I threatened to say them, but in my heart still cannot believe that I did, until my wife shocked me and asked me if I knew what I had just said. I still had no idea what I said, and only have to believe her that I did. Since then, I have been living in utter despair. Please believe me when I say, I have no recollection of saying these words, and if I did, it must have been during a time when the rage had consumed me so much, I did not know!
Can you please help me? I am so scared, to the point where I am suffering from stress and anxiety. I say again Allāh is my witness, I had no idea or clue how those words came out of my mouth.
Answer:
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم
In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Jazāk Allāh Khayr/ Thank you for contacting Mathabah Institute.
If you are unsure whether you pronounced the words of ṭalāq (divorce) due to insanity rage, then islamicaly, the doubt [of pronouncing divorce] cannot remove what is absolute [regarding you being married], therefore, the ruling in the described scenario will be that you have not uttered the words. – (See: Rād Al-Muḥtār, Vol 3, Page 369, Dār Al-Fikr[1], Al-Qawāid Al-Fiqhīyyah, Page 15, Dār Al-Tirmidhī[2])
I advise you to immediately get help in anger management through professional counselling and therapy.
Only Allāh knows best.
[1] لَا يَقَعُ طَلَاقُ الْمَدْهُوشِ وَأَفْتَى بِهِ الْخَيْرُ الرَّمْلِيُّ فِيمَنْ طَلَّقَ وَهُوَ مُغْتَاظٌ مَدْهُوشٌ لِأَنَّ الدَّهَشَ مِنْ أَقْسَامِ الْجُنُونِ وَلَا يَخْفَى أَنَّ مَنْ وَصَلَ إلَى حَالَةٍ لَا يَدْرِي فِيهَا مَا يَقُولُ كَانَ فِي حُكْمِ الْمَجْنُونِ – كتاب الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين رد المحتارج٣/ ص٣٦٩ دار الفكر
[2] اليقين لا يزول بالشك – قواعد الفقهية ص ١٥ دار الترمذي