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Should I get married even if that means living in a joint family system?

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

 I have this disease of lust such that I always end up falling into sins on the internet. My age is 25 and I am working right now. I am Alhamdulillah regular in dhikr, tilawat salah and tahajjud. I also fast twice each week plus I fast three days additional whenever I sin. I am also bayt to a Shaykh but all of this does not seem to stop. The frequency gets low but I again fall into this trap. I am a software engineer and working in Pakistan. The only issue I have is that my family is not that deeni and there is tv and other things in the house. Also my mother and father don’t get along well at all hence I don’t wish to marry and stay in this house.I am the youngest one. I have plans for my Masters from the US.

But doing so will take a few more years and I don’t see myself stopping from this evil sin. If I get married now I would have to stay in the joint family system and my wife would have to bear the tv and all arguments that happen on almost weekly basis. If in Pakistan I dare to live separately my family would literally disown me. I seriously don’t know what to do. My brother is after my life for MS but I have this serious issue.

I seriously don’t understand Mufti sb why do I get such lustful thoughts. And the thoughts are beyond normality. They are abnormal thoughts. Shaytan makes me ponder over all these things related to career and MS and all. Then I become hopeless and frustrated and end up sinning. I feel if I stay like this I’ll develop pshychological issues. Please bless me with your valuable suggestion and duas. 

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Allah in His Infinite Mercy has created man with various needs and desires. The challenge for a true slave of Allah is to satisfy his desires without transgressing or sinning.

Do not despair and keep yourself occupied with useful, productive work. Do not use the Internet in a private space or room. Rather, you should use it in full view of your family members.

The best way to solve the issues you are facing is to get married especially since you are working and capable of supporting a wife.

Talk with your parents and tell them that you are ready to get married. Seek their help in finding a pious spouse.

If by living in a joint family, your wife will have to interact with non-mahrams such as your brother, then you should seek separate living arrangements.

Try to convince your parents of the need for privacy and the necessity of hijab for your wife-to-be. Be respectful and convince them with love and persuasion. If by chance, your parents will not allow it and your wife-to-be accepts the joint living arrangement, then you should still get married.

Sohail ibn Arif,
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, USA

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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