My concern is that ” Wife of one of my very near relative was expecting .. everything was going normal .. in 14th weeks of pregnancy they came to know during an ultrasound that the growth of fetus is no more than 12 weeks … it was very shocking for the couple and for the rest of their near and dear ones …. though they have a 4.5 years old daughter.. but still the incidence upset the whole family … my relative helped his wife to come back to normalcy … and he got successful in it too .. he also lend shoulder to everyone to cry on but he himself endured every painful time … he didnt cry where he should so that he may feel lighter … in the whole process while helping others to get normal he has dented his self … he is not happy at all .. whatever he does he does for the sake of others … he has stopped doing everything with what he used to feel happy about … he doesnt talk , laugh , smile ..he has made himself busy in his work .. he pretends to be normal but actually he is mentally damaging himself and all this is unbearable for us …he says that he does not want to do all this … he does not want to be happy again …
My question is that is it right to say and do like this ? is there any Dua that we can recite for him to come back to normalcy again ?
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Jazakallah Khair for writing to us about your friend’s loss. You need to explain to him that in His infinite mercy, Allah Ta’ala took away a gift that may not have been Really meant for this dunya.
I am sure the doctor may have explained to the couple that often, when a lady looses a foetus, it is because there is some abnormality existing & Instead of giving birth to a baby with an abnormality, Allah Ta’ala removes it from the womb.
There is nothing to be unhappy about as this is the Will & the way of our Creator. Insha’Allah, even that foetus can be a source of Jannah for the couple on the day of Qiyamah If they take this loss with patience, make shukr to Allah for all the other blessings they have & remember that from Allah Ta’ala we come & to Him is our return.
We have to always remember that we are not in charge of anything or anyone in our lives. Allah Ta’ala is the ‘Supreme’ who has control & power over everything. We are but His lowly servants so we should be able to be grateful with Allah Ta’ala’s decisions.
When we are hit with a difficulty, we should ask Allah Ta’ala for patience & for something better in return. That is what pleases Allah Ta’ala the most. Yes, we are allowed to feel the pain & to grieve. However, we are not to give up hope & trust in Allah Ta’ala; & we have to accept of Allah Ta’ala’s will. This is the mark of an obedient servant.
Although we may not like the calamity, We should always remember that we can do nothing without His will & order. If one remembers to always say “Inna lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raji’oon” then the pain is made less Because Allah Ta’ala sends His angels to prepare castles for us in Jannah, the likes of which we cannot dream of.
Suggest to your friend that he speak to the local imaam regarding his feelings & loss so that he can deal with The spiritual aspects of his loss. It will help him a great deal also to turn to salaah often, read the Quran in English & give sadqa often. Remember, istigfar is also important in dealing with ones losses. May Allah Ta’ala make it easy for all of us to cope with the tests Allah Ta’ala puts us through.
They are most certainly a sign of His great love for us as He draws us closer to him.
And Allah knows best
Wassalaamu `alaykum
Social Dept.
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah