salam alaikum borther in islam. what is the ruling of a woman whose husband perceives her to be disobidient and one who raises her voice at her husband?
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Jazakillah for writing to us with your query.
Spouses are supposed to speak to each other with kindness, respect and humility.
Allah Ta’ala has given both spouses the gift of a partner and in the interest of harmony, they should conduct themselves with dignity.
It is a sign of a poor character when either partner screams at the other. It is a sign of immaturity and weakness rather than an act of kindness being in a win / lose situation. In order to get respect, one has to earn it. Shouting and screaming at a partner does not beget respect.
The wife is queen of the home but Allah Ta’ala has also made it very clear that the husband is the head of the partnership. The husband carries the responsibility for making sure that he is accountable for the actions of his wife and children as far as Allah Ta’ala’s laws and commands are concerned.
It is reasonable that he should make mashura with his wife on matters that affect both of them and the children. He should also make responsible and reasonable requests and have realist expectations about what they can and cannot do. He should avoid arbitrary decisions, for even our Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) consulted with his pious wives on important matters that related to their relationship. He also displayed kindness and tolerance towards them. It has to be always important to remember that both partners may err from time to time. Both are human and apt to not always be in top form from day to day. Each person should see to and be willing to fulfill their partner’s needs and take each other’s health into consideration. As long as both partners are more concerned about fulfilling each other’s rights rather than fighting about or arguing about their own rights all the time, shaitaan will have a small chance of trying to cause grief between the partners. The only time a wife is allowed to disobey her husband is when he makes requests that are against Allah Ta’ala’s commandments. I once again state. It is better to negotiate with each other on issues which may be causing dissatisfaction rather than to make shaitaan happy by shouting at each other. Strive to please Allah Ta’ala and not shaitaan. May Allah Ta’ala guide the couple to work out a middle road in their differences, ameen.
And Allah knows best
Wassalamu Alaikum
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Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah