ASA,dear Imam,I need your help in suggesting some prayer to help me face the problems of life.And advice me islamically that what should I do?my husband don`t give me time,he works day and night,and all his lifetime savings he transfered it to his fathers`s name in Pakistan ,without my will,and now we are in a bad need of money and my father in law is denying to send our own money and my sister inlaw and mother in law are pressurizing my husband not to ask about his own money and to take loan from the bank .And my husband says this is all Islam,and says bad to me,these things are also affecting my pregnancy,
Jazakallah for submitting your questions to the institute. You write about the difficulties you are presently facing in your marriage.
Firstly you ask if your husband is allowed to keep his former wife as a friend. This is rather incongruent with why she is his former wife. If he wishes to remain her friend why divorce her in the first place? This situation is more like what the kuffar do and is not in keeping with the Islamic culture. Are there any children from the previous marriage? Please do let me know why he chooses to maintain contact with her.
Secondly you are concerned about your personal relationship with your husband. You state that he works day and night. Allah Ta’ala created the institution of marriage so that a husband and wife would be companions, friends and helpers of each other. Allah Ta’ala does not demand that a man or a woman should spend the major part of their day and night in work or activities which do not leave them time to share with their spouses. This is most irregular and unacceptable. If a man deliberately keeps himself away from home and he ignores the needs of his wife, then surely he is usurping her rights. Our most beloved Nabi(sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) gave us clear guidelines as to and how a man should treat his wife and what is acceptable and not acceptable in a marital relationship. He encouraged couples to spend time with each other in sporting activities, talking, discussing, joking and generally spending time sharing and caring so that the relationship remains alive and blessed.
A wife too should make a point of doing her share in making the husband feel like ‘home is the only place he would like to be in’. He should feel that at the end of the day, there is nothing more he wants than to be in the company of his soothing and loving beloved wife who will cheer him up and banish the problems of work and the day. It is definately a two way relationship. Have you thought about why he spends so much time working? Does he have a demanding job? Is he self employed? Does he have an alternative so that he can cut down on the hours of work?
You also write that your husband has sent all his money to Pakistan to his family and that he is now being told to get a loan from the bank. A Muslim is not supposed to put himself into a situation which leads to taking loans from kuffar banks and then resorting to giving or taking interest. This is like consciously jumping into the fire and not giving a thought to the
consequences thereof. He cannot trival with Allah Ta’ala whose commands on
RIBA are quite clear.
A son has a duty to see that his parents are not neglegted or put into a situation of depending on outsiders for their essential needs. They have no right to demand all his money thereby putting him into a difficult situation which makes him turn to HARAAM. This is tantamount to making zulm on their son.
More important however, Allah Ta’ala gave this same son of theirs a wife as a gift. It is the husband’s duty to see to it that he provides for his wife in an equitable way so that, (and I use your words) the couple do not end up being “in a bad need of money”. This is short sighted on the husband’s side, especially if there are children and medical expenses to cover.
Sister, I although you may experiencing some stress over this matter, I would like to suggest to you that you should not overly concern yourself to the extent that you become ill. It is sufficient that you point out to your husband that it is haraam to get involved in riba and that he should try his utmost to get hold of his halaal earnings. Make him aware of what the financial expenses will be when you go for delivery and thereafter so that you can budget adequately for the new arrival. Encourage him to be aware of Allah Ta’ala’s commandments (as far as looking after his wife and children and RIBA are concerned ) and remind him that he has to obey these commandments if he wishes to have success in this world and in the hereafter for himself and his family. Continue to perform all your salaah, recite the Quran daily with meaning, make lots of zikr, istigfar and dua. Perform Tahadjud salaah regularly and plead with Allah Ta’ala to guide all of you. Try as far as possible to encourage your husband by adopting a kind and gentle attitude so that he feels inclined to listen to you. Help him by suggesting that both of you should read about Riba (and all it’s
ramifications) in the Quran. Let him know in your own way that you love and care for him and that your desire is that Allah Ta’ala’s wrath should not descend on your home. You have many positive aspects to work on to make your husband aware of your needs so please try to work on these in a gentle way to improve your marital relationship. The rest is in Allah Ta’ala’s hands. You cannot be held accountable for what others do after you have invited to good and made plain the wrong and evil. As adults we have choices and if your husband and his parents make unacceptable choices, that is their problem as they will be answerable to Allah Ta’ala for their actions.
You are welcome to write again if you wish. May Allah Ta’ala guide all of you and protect your Imaan. Ameen.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
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CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai