my friend thinks she’s in love, but she’s kinda religious, so she went 2 this holy man n asked him, ?i love this guy, he loves me, but there’s very little chance of us getting married because we r young n there is no chance that our families would agree. am i committing a sin by being with him?”………….he replied it is not a sin as long u stay with them forever, as long as u don’t date other people or change partners?……..is this correct?
Jazakallah for writing to the institute on behalf of your friend.
You ask if your friend is committing a sin by ‘being’ with a man who is not her mahram. You also state that a ‘holy man’ has said that it is not a sin ‘being’ with the man if they are ‘committed to each other’.
I note a major contradiction here. I shall tell you why. You state below, “…..we r young and there is no chance that our families would agree…”. Your friend has to firstly remember that Allah Ta’ala clearly states in the Holy Quran that believing men and women should observe modesty. Non-mahram men and women should abstain from being alone with each other or sharing time together on their own. If your friend is already afraid and concerned that their parents will not agree to them getting married, how does she know that they will be married eventually?
What do you mean by “having a relationship outside of marriage?” This is totally haraam as these two young people are not married. A personal ‘desire’ on their part is not equivalent to nikah so they cannot be halaal for each other. Thus being together and speaking to each other as ‘if they belong to each other’ is not acceptable. I do not understand what this person meant by ” it is not a sin as long as u stay with them forever, as long as u dont date other people or change partners’.
This is a gross misrepresentation of relationships which are allowed in Islam. The concept of dating is a non-Islamic and is unacceptable in Islam. Unfortunately, this ‘holy person’ has either been misunderstood by your friend or has misled your friend. Be that as it may, there is no precedence for ‘changing partners’ , nor for dating. Staying with someone ‘forever’ can only be halaal and acceptable after their nikah has been performed.
I suggest that you ask your friend to write to me so that we can explore her options. Do please suggest to her that for the moment she should totally avoid meeting with and speaking to this guy, personally and telephonically. She is a precious creation of Allah Ta’ala’s and she should guard her modesty and chastity, (this concept includes not being alone or speaking lovingly to the guy). She should save herself for the day when Allah Ta’ala blesses her with a (match) man who will honour, respect and treat her with
dignity after they have made nikah. If she knows her parents are not going to agree to this guy, she should save herself from heartache by breaking off ties with him right now. If she thinks that Allah Ta’ala will destine him to be her husband, she should approach her parents and make nikah with him. Insha’allah, she can delay going to his home till he is finally ready to support her financially etc. In the meantime, at least when they are alone with each other or when they speak to each other, it will be acceptable to say whatever they wish without fear of breaking Allah Ta’ala’s laws. Her main concern should be to earn Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure in obeying His commandments and avoiding His wrath
and punishment by breaking His commandments. There is lifelong barakah in pleasing Allah Ta’ala.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai