Asalamu ‘alykum warehmatullahi wa barakatuh.
I hope this finds you in the best of health and imaan.
I am considering a girl for marriage and her parents are divorced. I told my father about her and related the reason for her parents divorce. The gir herself does not believe either of her parents wer on the right when it came to divorce. In the begining my father was inclined to meet her, however, later on he started saying that the girl’s mother probably got divorced when she came to Canada because she probably wanted the freedom (basically making assumptions about the girl’s mother and the girl as well). I asked him to at least meet the family before drawing conclusion on someone you have never met and he said he has not interest in doing so.
I did istikhara regarding the girl being my potential spouse and had two dreams about her after the istikhara which are as follows:
1. The girl is sitting with an elder lady (ilate 30’s or early 40’s, maybe) and i am standing by a door, which I do not know where it leads to. I hear the elder lady tell the girl that if you marry him (me), he will not be able to stand up to his father. I remember thinking in the dream that the elder lady does not know what she is talking about but then I think to myself that maybe she is right and I need to change that.
2. My father meets the girl and her mother in confrontational manner. I find out after the meeting that my dad said some offensive things to the girl about her mother’s divorce and how she will be like her mother as well. I feel angry at my father for saying such things. (This is as far as I can remember.)
I am not sure what to make of these dreams and I was wondeirng if you could shed some light on the matter, in shaa Allah.
Wasalamu ‘alaykum warehmatullahi wa barakatuh.
There are many things to consider in determining one’s marriage partner. This requires maturity, deep thought, and profound insight of life. You are young and do not possess the necessary prerequisites to make an appropriate decision. In the situation in reference, you identified a girl and merely informed your father. You also seem to have taken offense to his comments. You then proceeded to make istikhāra. This is not the correct procedure in deciding to marry.
Dreams do not posess a vital role in the istikhāra and they do not have to be seen.[i] Nevertheless, your dreams seem to reflect your mindset. You seem to have conditioned your mind regarding this girl. Such an attitude is incorrect and dangerous. We advise you to exercise precaution and seek the wise counsel of your elders.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
[i] Istikhāra Seeking Divine Guidance in the Light of the Sunnah, p.40
This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.