Communicating before marriage

Q: I was introduced to a boy with the intention of marriage. He is from a different city. We are compatible in all aspects as we’ve discussed what it is we are looking for in a spouse. I went for umrah and made a lot of Dua for guidance. I met this boy with my brother who is my mahram. My parents knew about this and agreed it was ok. However we decided to make istikhaara. He hasn’t spoken to my parents or his. My istikhaara came out positive and he says he didn’t have a good feeling. I am certain we went about it the incorrect way. Should he have come to my parents with his parents and then him and I perform istikhaara? Or was this method valid. He is a good boy with all the things a Muslimah should look for. I’ve kept my chastity etc for marriage. He feels also that I would be a perfect companion as we both only want to work towards attaining Jannah. But after his istikhaara how can we go against Allah (Ta’ala). It is confusing for me as I’ve abundantly made Dua not to meet him even once if he is not for me. I know my Allah would never have sent him to my hometown if we are not meant for each other. All that is in our way now is his istikhaara answer. Should he first approach my parents along with his?


A: In Islam it is not permissible for a girl to be in contact or to speak casually with a na mahram boy. You should sincerely repent to Allah Ta’ala for getting involved in this sin and make a firm resolve that you will not repeat this in the future. It is not in keeping with shame and modesty that a girl independently looks for her own suitor. The Islamic teaching is that a girl should consult her parents and allow them to decide in the matters of nikaah. Generally parents have more experience and understanding in the matters of nikaah compared to children and hence through them deciding there will be less chances of problems occurring later on. If you both wish to get married, then you both should mention to your parents. If both families are happy and they feel that you both are compatible in your Deen, character and mannerisms, then you both may get married.

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.


Answered by:

Mufti Zakaria Makada

Checked & Approved:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)