I need some advice please, my nephew (brother’s son) is getting married aboard inshallah and I wish to seek some advice. My brother and I are not in talking terms (please see your ref Fatwa#: 31395) but whenever we see each other we only give Salam to each other. My brother has brain washed his kids not to speak to me, and recently I heard from my other siblings that he is planning to get his son married aboard. My brother give personal invites to my other sisters and brothers and left me out.
These invites were made by a phone call not cards. My nephew who is getting married at the age of 18 doesn’t speak to me and turns his back to me and even on Eid day at my parents house, he didn’t come to give me eid Mubarak or said anything I don’t know what to do? I want to give him a gift for his webbing but my husband is against it as he thinks I Would be making a fool out of myself considering the family don’t speak to me? Please advise? I really don’t know what to do? I would appreciate a quick reply.
In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Respected sister in Islam,
The conduct of your brother and nephew is indeed unfortunate. We also commend you for your desire to maintain ties with your brother. Rasulullah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) advised:
صِلْ مَنْ قَطَعَكَ، وَأَعْطِ مَنْ حَرَمَكَ، وَاعْفُ عَمَّنْ ظَلَمَكَ
Translation: Join ties with one who cuts you off, give to one who deprives you and forgive one who oppresses you.[1]
Alhamdulillah, your attitude is in conformity with the advice and desire of Rasulullah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). We advise you to explore practical avenues to restore the relationship with your brother. Engage influential family members like your parents to intercede on your behalf. Humbleness and humility has a positive effect in softening the hearts.
The advice of your husband is also correct. A gift is generally offered to enhance love and kindness. However, at this stage the gift will not fulfill its purpose and may not even be appreciated.
Use the special occasion to resolve the issue. A wedding of a family member ought to be an occasion of great joy and happiness for one and all, however, if the issue remains unresolved then the wedding would rather be the opposite as there would be a great deal of imbalance feelings and emotions in the hearts of many family members. This may perhaps bring more damage than before and complicate the matter further.
Lastly, make du‘ā’ in abundance to Allah Ta‘āla and may Allah Ta‘āla grant you the strength to overcome your difficulties. Āmeen.
And Allah Ta‘āla Knows Best
Fahad Abdul Wahab
Student Darul Iftaa
USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
[1] 17452 – حَدَّثَنَا حُسَيْنُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ عَيَّاشٍ، عَنْ أَسِيدِ بْنِ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ الْخَثْعَمِيِّ، عَنْ فَرْوَةَ بْنِ مُجَاهِدٍ اللَّخْمِيِّ، عَنْ عُقْبَةَ بْنِ عَامِرٍ، قَالَ: لَقِيتُ رَسُولَ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ لِي: ” يَا عُقْبَةُ بْنَ عَامِرٍ، صِلْ مَنْ قَطَعَكَ، وَأَعْطِ مَنْ حَرَمَكَ، وَاعْفُ عَمَّنْ ظَلَمَكَ “
[مسند احمد ت٢٨ ص٦٥٤ مؤسسة الرسالة]