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Should I insist that my parents let me marry my secret boyfriend?

Answered according to Shafi'i Fiqh by Seekersguidance.org

Should I insist that my parents let me marry my secret boyfriend?

Question: What if you are in a sinful relationship and your parents don’t agree with marriage? Should I persist in marriage or repent with Allah and forget everything and start a new life? If I don’t listen to my parents, will I suffer after marriage?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. If you are in a sinful relationship, the first thing that you must do is to leave him as a girlfriend and make sincere repentance. Continuously disregarding Allah’s commands is the thing that causes one to suffer, nothing else. See this link:  https://seekersguidance.org/articles/featured-articles/what-are-the-conditions-of-making-tawba-transcript-ustadh-abdullah-misra/

Second, pray istikhara to seek guidance from Allah on this matter. Ask Him if this man is worth pursuing. Also, ask yourself if you’re satisfied with a man who doesn’t mind being in a sinful relationship before marriage. Ask yourself if he is good husband material, weigh the pros and cons, and follow through with your istikhara:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/istikhara-the-prayer-of-seeking-guidance/

Finally, after separating from this man, he should come with his parents to your home and propose. Ask your parents to consider the proposal seriously. He should also come up with a financial and educational plan to marry and support you. If your parents agree, it is a blessing, but it would be better for you to move on if they don’t. See these links:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/should-i-marry-my-boyfriend-or-break-off-the-relationship/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/can-make-dua-allah-sends-boyfriend-future-husband/

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

This answer was collected from Seekersguidance.org. It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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