Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
If this world is designed to break our hearts why do we have to be grateful for being created? When we wake, why do we thank Allah for returning us back to this painful world?
Every night I sleep in the hopes that I don’t wake. I’ve heard good deeds extend our lives but why would I want more time in this Dunya?
Why are people punished for suicide – does Allah not understand the depth of our pain?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The best of people is the one who lives long and does good.” [Tirmidhi]
There is much pain in this world, and there is also much joy.
Think of this world as farmland, which you tend to, and then harvest in the next life. More time on this dunya means more opportunity for you to seek closeness to your Lord, through serving Him and being of service to His creation.
Dear questioner, you sound like you are in an incredible amount of pain. Your soul can only bear so much, and you have been pushed beyond your limits.
When you are are suffering so much, it may seem easier to die, because it may feel like a cessation of pain.
Instead of looking to death as a lasting solution, I encourage you to seek help. There are other far more reachable means of gaining comfort. Is there a compassionate doctor you can speak to? A counsellor? A psychologist? A holistic healer? Please reach out for support. You cannot, and do not need to, face this alone.
In the meantime, I urge you to please commit to a daily practice from this website: Emotional First Aid.
Even though it may seem unimaginable to you right now, I pray that Allah grants you healing, and the gift of a life which brings you more joy than heartbreak. You sound very depressed and suicidal, and you need help.
Where is your family? Are you connected to them? Are they are a source of comfort for you? Do you have close friends? Friends who support you, and believe in you?
If there has been abuse and trauma in your past, then suicide may feel easier than living with your tremendous pain. Please trust that you can recover from your trauma. Life can be joyful and meaningful again.
“Indeed We have created man, and We know whatever thoughts his inner self develops, and We are closer to him than (his) jugular vein.’ [Qur’an, 50:16]
Allah understands the pain you are going through. Despite this, He forbids suicide. Your Loving Creator wants you to choose life.
Please perform the Prayer of Need and beg Allah to help you choose life.
Gratitude comes when you recognise your blessings, and the One who continually gives them to you.
Right now, because you are in so much pain, it may feel impossible for you to see the blessings in your life. Your priority right now is not gratitude. Your priority right now is your survival, and your sanity. Please reach out for help.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.