Q: I pray you can help I’m desperate for some direction. Me and my husband both work. I earn more than him. His family lives in another country. His father works but has a lot of debts to pay off. Me and my husband have been married for a year only so we don’t have much savings. He pays the mortgage and I pay the bills. We cannot save much. He asked me if we could send his family £500 a month. I wanted to send less as we have just got married and need to save. But he got angry so I agreed to £500 a month to send to his family. He promised me that if in any given month we were short on money or we wanted to spend on us for example buying furniture then he would not send his family £500 for that month. He promised me we would only send them money if we were able to every month. We have been sending them £500 a month for many months now. We are planning to have a child. I will have to stop working in a few months. We can’t live off his pay only so we need to save some money for when I’m not working. Also our house is furnished with old furniture from my parents house. Last week we went furniture shopping. My husband was reluctant to buy anything. He told me he didn’t think we should spend on furniture because he wants to give his dad. £1000 for a visa to visit us. I got upset because we only have £3000 in our savings and we need to save for when I have a baby. He got angry that I said no and we had a fight. It’s my money too that I earned so I felt I had the right to say no especially when we send £500 a month already. Anyway this month we do not have much money to spend and buy much food. We are living penny to penny. We have £3000 in our savings but we are not touching that because we will need it when I fall pregnant. So this month we couldn’t afford to send his dad £500. But now he wants to take £500 out of our savings to send to his dad. I feel hurt because he knows we are living penny to penny this month so we don’t eat into our savings but now he wants to send £500 to his dad? He gets paid at the end of the month I told him to send it then. But he got angry and said he will send another £500 then! I’m worried he isn’t thinking about the fact that in a few months I won’t be earning and we will rely on his income only which isn’t even enough to pay the bills so it’s important that we save now. I don’t mind sending his dad money when we are able to. I feel cheated. He promised me he wud only send his parents money if we have enough money too, but I feel he prefers us to struggle so he can send them money. Am I wrong? Please please advice as I don’t want to do anything islamically wrong.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)