Q: I am struggling with this issue for some time and would like to receive some good advice inshallah.
I have met a good Muslim girl (as is common these days) and wish to pursue a halaal relationship with her. Her parents are aware of me, accept me and are very welcoming of the idea. However, my parents are not aware of the extent of my relationship with her. After a brief conversation I had (regarding marriage, not regarding the girl) with them, they have two issues.
1. We are a Pakistani family and the girl is from a South African family. They are concerned regarding the effects of the difference in culture on our household. They are typical joint family people while the girl and I myself are not too fond of that idea. Nonetheless, the issue is that they do not prefer to marry outside culture, while I disagree as I believe the requirement to be Muslim, not Pakistani. Regardless of that I have spent 8 years of my 22-year life in South Africa and as such am a part of this culture as much as I am a part of Pakistani culture.
2. They do not want to even initiate a conversation about marriage until I have graduated and have a stable job. I completely agree with the idea, that they want me to be able to support and provide for her and I will accept no exception. However, that will take around 2-3 years and until then our relationship will either be haraam or non-existent. The girl’s family will not accept me just dating her for the next 3 years and Islamically this is wrong also. I wish to know what to do about this situation.
Lastly, if I were to approach my parents with the idea of Nikaah, what would be the best and safest way to go about doing this.
A: Speak to some of the elders in your family and ask them to initiate the process with your parents.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)