Q: I hope that you can help me, I am really confused. Me and this brother got to know one another which of course was a haram step to take but we both quickly acknowledged our mistake and in a month proceeded to tell our parents about it where both sides refused profoundly due to the fact we both come from different cultures. We continued to fight for our right to marriage but came with continuous trials with our families. I had even made isitkhara but I was always so confused with it, because sometimes I would not feel anything in my heart but I would still want to persue this marriage. I had many times where I was always so lost and confused and possessed no feelings from my heart but in my mind I wanted him. Throughout us being together I was very careless and very unappreciative of the other person. Family difficulties became harder and both sides still refused based on cultural differences and I was always still confused and never 100 percent certain whilst he was always certain throughout. Many times I still made isitkhara and I would lose feelings and would end up confused but willing to try and persue. Eventually his family agreed but mine refused and after a while of more hardship from my family I fell into serious depression that I refused to marry him completely and end it. At that point he left and suddenly a week later I realised a lot of things about myself such as the negatives, and where I went wrong and how much I value this person and how they were so good and at this point strangely my family opened up to me and accepted for me to marry him. However, it was too late because a week later the brother tells me that he no longer loves me and wants me anymore and I am devestated. Devestated and confused because how is it that all of a sudden my feelings have come full on back in full force where I have realised and regretted my actions so much that I can’t be without this person anymore and now he doesn’t want me. I really don’t understand and I really don’t know what to do. All I do is make dua and ask Allah for forgiveness for all the sins and for every time I disobeyed him and for hurting the brother so much and that I now understand my actions. They say dua is your biggest weapon and so I am making endless dua for Allah to change his heart, I can’t give up on him. There’s nothing much I can do but Allah can with full faith and certainty? I can’t move on, I feel more depressed attatched to this desire but no doubt it has increased me in faith and has allowed me to become closer to Allah. I don’t know what to do because this is taking over my life and I can’t seem to move on or think about anything else, I just sit and cry day in day out.
A: Make shukr that Allah Ta`ala had saved you from a haraam relationship. Ask Allah Ta`ala’s forgiveness for the past and His help for the future.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)