Q: I have a question regarding some issues with my husband which I have raised with him but which he fails to address. For starters my husband D has had no intimate attraction towards me since marriage, he is capable of going through at least 2 weeks on end with no worry, he claims he is not like other men who only want women for one thing, yet I feel so unattractive as he always admires other women but barely complements me unless I’m upset. Secondly he never speaks to me about his day or confides in me he only speaks to his mother, he will lie in bed or sit with me and sms her and when we visit her he will start talking non stop to her. If I ask him why he does this he says I must find out one time when he is telling her I can hear or sometimes he says I was talking so he couldn’t tell me, but what about all they sms each other. I have started being quiet as I am talkative to see if it makes a difference, but all he does is play on his phone and go to sleep not talk to me. I long to see him, I look forward to meeting him, knowing how his day has been and in the end it’s an effort for him to interact with me. We have only been married 2 years and now have a child but this marriage is really unfulfilling and depressing. He always does what his mother wants, never asks me what I want, if I have plans or anything as such it’s like I don’t exist. Please don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with him doing for his mother but what are my rights and options, am I meant to go on miserably like this? Please advise.
A: In the face of the predicament you are in, there are two aspects to understand. The first is your relationship with Allah Ta’ala which is of primary concern. The secondary relationship is that of your husband. I do understand that your relationship with your husband is indeed important but remember that your relationship with Allah Ta’ala is of utmost importance.
Perhaps this difficulty you are experiencing is actually an excuse for you to strengthen your relationship with Allah Ta’ala. Spend more of your time on the musalla making du`aa to Allah Ta’ala and begging Him to assist you in this difficulty. Be punctual on your five daily salaah and obey Allah Ta`ala in every aspect of your life.
Allah Ta’ala in His kindness rewards such women abundantly. There were many women in the past who were greatly oppressed by their husbands but because of their firmness and perseverance, Allah Ta’ala rewarded them with immense rewards. Among the highest ranking women in this world and the hereafter is Hadhrat Aasiya, the wife of Fir`oun. She was oppressed and tortured by Fir`oun but she persevered and remained firm on Islam. As a result, Allah Ta’ala blessed her with such a lofty status that she is ranked among the four highest ranking women in Jannah.
Make a point of reciting the Qur’aan Shareef and making zikr at home. Daily read out some portion from the Fazaa’il-e-A`maal. The recitation of the Qur’aan and noble ahaadeeth of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) will bring about enormous barkat in your home.
Insha-Allah there is hope that Allah Ta’ala will open up your husband’s mind and grant him true understanding.
May Allah Ta’ala remove your worries and bless you with happiness in this world and the next.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)