Answered by Shaykh Yūsuf Badāt
Question:
What should I do if my mother forces me to attend an unislamic mehndi (pre-wedding) function. Mehndi is a mixed gathering event with songs and some dance which can be avoided by going out of hall when it takes place or lowering one’s gazes. She is a practicing Muslimah, Alḥamdulillāh, but she is upset and had tears in her eyes due to me rejecting to attend my cousin’s mehndi. I feel she will be annoyed with me for not attending the party.
Answer:
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم
In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Jazāk Allāh Khayr/ Thank you for contacting Mathabah Institute.
Respecting parents and doing one’s best to keep them happy is a core teaching of Islam. However, it is forbidden to obey anyone when it is in contrast and opposition to the teachings of Islam. – (See: Rad Al-Muḥtār, Vol 2, Page 620, Dār Al-Fikr)[1]
We advise you to express your perspective very gently and with utmost respect, to your honourable mother, that you are uncomfortable at such events because of matters that you find unislamic. Another suggestion is you attend very briefly, show your respects and thereafter take permission to leave. That way you are not there to witness any unislamic activities.
There is no obedience in sin, obedience is required only in what is [islamicaly] good.” – (Bukhārī 7257)[2]
Only Allāh knows best.
[1] قَوْلُهُ حَجُّ الْفَرْضِ أَوْلَى مِنْ طَاعَةِ الْوَالِدَيْنِ لِأَنَّهُ لَا طَاعَةَ لِمَخْلُوقٍ فِي مَعْصِيَةِ الْخَالِقِ سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى – كتاب الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين رد المحتار ج٢/ ص٦٢٠ دار الفكر
[2] لاَ طَاعَةَ فِي مَعْصِيَةٍ إِنَّمَا الطَّاعَةُ فِي الْمَعْرُوفِ – اخرجه البخاري ٧٢٥٧