I am hoping you can clarify something
I am …. and married my cousin from …. years ago, we have children. I did not want to marry him as i was not physically attracted to him, also i wanted to marry an educated British man. When my mum asked me if i wanted to marry him i cried but did not say yes or no. On the day of the nikah i did not recite any arabic, i was not asked if i agreed to marriage 3 times. I just signed the nikah nama 3 times. I thought this was strange but muly mum said that my husband read the nikah on my behalf.
I still do not love this man and still find him unattractive. I read somewhere women who dont love their husbands truly will go to hell. I have established namaz this year but am worried it will not be accepted by Allah as i dont love him.
We have nothing in common, our mind set is different as we have grown up in different cultures.
Please help. My mind is in turmoil, i am taking medication to help me cope bt cant stop creating a dream life in my head.
In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We sympathize with your situation and understand your predicament. May Allah Ta‘āla make it easy for you. Āmīn.
It is sadly of no benefit in mentioning why you did not speak to your parents and express your feelings by refusing the proposal 15 years ago.
Sister in Islam, you have been married for a long period of time with an established family of two children. We suggest that you give some time and try to make this marriage work. You can only achieve this by choosing to approach your husband and your marriage with a fresh start. If you feel uneasy and unsatisfied with certain physical attributes of your husband, then you should sit down with him and kindly try to explain to him how you truly feel. Often a simple dialogue can bring about great results. Furthermore, you need to make du‘a that Allah Ta‘āla will create compatibility between you and your husband. The intervention of professional counselling with Islamic ethos may also be useful.
In any event, you will be faced with challenges. Even if you were married to a person of your choice, you would find different types of challenges as this is the reality of life. We have the gift of imān and are guided to bring faith on taqdīr and sabr on any situation in life.
You were given incorrect information with regards to the consequences of not loving one’s husband. Ignore such sayings as they have no basis in Shar‘iah.
Lastly, we would like to commend you in trying to establish salāh in your life. We advise you to make zikr of Allah Ta‘āla and take strength from it which is the ultimate strength. You would not be in turmoil. Allah Ta‘āla says:
أَلَا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ
Translation: Behold! The hearts attain tranquillity through the remembrance of Allah. [13:28]
May Allah Ta‘āla grant you steadfastness and tawfīq in trying to establish Sunnah in its entirety. Āmīn.
And Allah Ta‘āla Knows Best
Fahad Abdul Wahab
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai