I need to know about a serious problem in my life. My mother doesn’t want to stay in America because of the effect the environment has on our imaan. My father can’t settle down anywhere except America.
He did move out to Malaysia and Saudi leaving his permanent government job. He wasn’t much satisfied with the jobs. He is trying to move back to America. He is blaming my mom for influencing him to leave his job and my mom blames him for the lacking in our deen for staying in America. This is causing severe family conficts.
1. I just want to know what is my mom’s duty as a mother and a wife? (should she just obey her husband and stay wherever he stay or continue this conflict and arguments in order to protect her children from the bad effects of staying in kufr countries?)
2) as a daughter what should i do to bring peace in the family??? Even though i think my mom’s point is correct, the conflicts to convince my father to stay in a Muslim country is getting out of hand. Please guide me about how we handle these situations according to Islam. I am confused whether what we are doing to stay out of kufr country is correct. May Allah reward you for your help.
Assalāmu `alaikum Warahmatullāhi Wabrakatuh,
Jazakillah for writing to us regarding the conflict you all find yourselves in due to several differences of opinion in the family. Sister, as far as your parents are concerned, they need to settle their differences and work out an amicable compromise that will suit both of them. It may help to suggest to them that they ask a learned scholar or an aalim to guide them on this matter. They will have to do what is best for their relationship and their imaan.
You ask about what you could do as a daughter to help matters. You mention that your mother is concerned about “the lacking in our deen” as you put it. You also mention that she is concerned about “the bad effects of staying in a kufr country”.
Allow me to make some suggestions. You could take several steps to allay your mum’s anxiety and concerns. How wonderful if you can become the flag bearer of Islam. By this I mean, adopt a modest form of dress at all times. As far as possible, make purdah from non-mahram men by avoiding unnecessary interaction with them. Be punctual with your salaah, make zikr as often as you can. Learn to read the Quran with Tajweed (if you do not do so as yet). Also learn the meaning of the Quran so that you can understand what is required of you as a Muslimah. Learn from the Quran what your duties and responsibilities are to your parents, siblings, neighbours, family, community and even to Allah Ta’ala. Perform tahajjud salaah frequently. Ban the viewing of unacceptable television programmes in your home and turn your home into a “madrassa” so that it becomes a beacon of learning and teaching of Islam.
One also needs to reflect on how the environment has a negative effect on one’s imaan. If one is lax and does not pay attention to what is expected of one as a Muslim, then shaitaan takes over one’s life in any country. That is, whether it is a predominantly Muslim or non- Muslim country, if one does not pay due attention to one’s deen, shaitaan is the happiest and all forms of fitna then take over one’s life and daily activities. The onus is on the parents to instill the values of deen in their children from an early age. They also have to be staunch in their practice of deen and be good role models for their children. Think of it this way. Would Islam have spread to all corners of the world if Muslims didn’t go to the furthest lands to teach Islam and to make dawaah? One cannot live in the USA or any other western country and not expect that somewhere along the way, we may be affected by the prevailing culture there.
As long Muslims remember that no matter where they live, they are Muslims. A Muslim is one who submits to the will of Allah Ta’ala.
Thus, no matter how alluring and fantastic the kufr culture may appear, remember, “from Allah Ta’ala we come and to Allah Ta’ala is our return”. I also need to point out to you that there is no “Muslim” country in the world. Yes, what we find is that there are some countries where the Muslims form the majority of the population. Insha’Allah, with your effort and concern, the population of Muslims in your city and country will increase, ameen. Nabi (Sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) was the last Prophet on earth and we have been given the task of taking Islam to all nations around the globe.
May Allah Ta’ala guide all of us to carry forward the message of Islam, ameen.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best.
Sister Fadila
Social dept.
Checked and Approved by,
Muftī Ebrahim Desai
Daruliftaa
35 Candella Rd, Durban, South Africa
T : 031-207-5772 F: 086-692-7275