Salam, I currently had my Nikkah done about 2 months ago and after the nikkah we provided dinner for the guest in the masjid hall. Upon saying this both the wife and I do not want a fancy wedding and do not believe this needs to be done. Both of our parents want a big reception/ruskati which we do not to save money. We both do not want to upset our parents as they believe the ruksati is necessary.
Could you please let me know what we can do or say to our parents to not complete this and have our marriage the Islamic way?
Assalāmu `alaikum Warahmatullāhi Wabrakatuh,
Alhamdulillah, it is encouraging to know that you and your wife are on the same level of thinking and both of you do not agree on a big and grand reception/rukhsati.
The rukhsati is an emotional occasion for the girl and her family. It is the official parting moments from her near and dear ones. This is not easy for the girl and her family.
For the boy’s family, it is a happy occasion as the married couple is now officially together. It is the wish of the girls parents to send off their daughter in such a way that gives them the opportunity to express their love for their daughter at the highest level. The temperament of the new in laws are also considered.
It is generally very difficult to stop parents from fulfilling their wishes on such an occasion. At times, attempting to do so may result in negative consequences.
Shariah does not prohibit one expressing ones happiness on happy occasions. To gather family and friends and offer a meal is also not prohibited. It is thus our advice that you and your wife express your wish of having a simple rukhsati to your parents. Present the wish in a most dignified and humble way. Tell them the benefit of having a small rukhsati occasion. It is closer to sunnah and will invoke Allah’s blessings for all. Also explain that it will not incur any financial burden. The thought of the financial burden will erase the happiness of the occasion, thus defeating the purpose. After having made the request, leave the decision to them. Do not insist on how your’ll would want it.
Yes, do emphasise that your’ll will be very unhappy if there is anything unIslamic in the rukhsati occasion. Express your clear dislike for photography and intermingling of genders. Urge them to at least consider this appeal and keep the occasion clear from any haram.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best,
Muftī Ebrahim Desai
Daruliftaa
35 Candella Rd, Durban, South Africa