I want to get married to him but he is reluctant

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Asalamaikum mufti saab – I really want to settle down and want to know what I can read to achieve this.  I do like someone who is also a muslim and single but is not ready to settle down as his first marriage did not go well.  He has 2 boys from his ex-wife (who was non-muslim) and the young boys live their mother.  I did say to the person that I like that I would like to settle down with you but because of his first marriage failure he’s not willing to commit again.  I did say to him that for how long is he willing to stay single and that single life is no good as it can lead to one doing things that shouldn’t be done when you stay single.  I just want to know what I can read as a wazeefa or do in order to make him realise this.  I know I cannot force my opinions on him but I do believe he likes me but just not willing to settle down. Just because the first marriage was a failure doesn’t mean the next will be.  I’m 46 years old and he’s 45 so it’s not as if we’re young and I just want to get on with life and settle with him.  So far I’ve been praying namaz istikhara for guidance, namaz haajat and lahalula wala quwuta wazeefa but not sure if these are the right ones to read. Please advise.

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In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islaam.

At the outset, we wish to inform you that it is prohibited for you to communicate with the man in reference. Shari’ah prohibits all communication with Ghair-Mahram (those with whom marriage is permissible).

One of the wisdoms behind such prohibitions is such communications inculcate feelings which may not transform in to a permanent relationship and cause emotional pain for each other.

If you are inclined to the person in reference, you should consult with your seniors for their wise counsel and also make Istikhaara.

If you are advised to proceed, follow principal and make a formal proposal to marry him. Use appropriate people to communicate the proposal to him and counsel him to allay his fears. Also advise him to make Istikhaara. If he follows procedure and makes a decision to marry you, there will be barakah in that decision. If he declines the proposal, then too there will be goodness in it.

In that case, you should turn your focus elsewhere and search for your Taqdeer and follow procedure when making decisions to marry. Avoid mere feelings and emotions.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Muhammed Al-Ameen Bin Moulana Ismail Akoo

Student Darul Iftaa

Newcastle; KZN, South Africa 

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.