Q: Firstly I would like to thank you for providing the ummah with a great service Alhamdulilah. My question is marriage related. I am a male married with 2 children. I have committed zina of the eyes, as to which my wife has asked me to leave the house because of time and space that she needs to get her self together and for me to seek guidance. I left the house and stayed at my brothers house for a few days who is also married it was not right for me to lodge there but my brother said it is better for you to stay here than to rent a place of your own and have no one watch over you, this way I can help you. I have been staying at my brothers for 2 months and with in 3-4 weeks my wife rang me and said that she is pregnant and felt I should know before anyone else which I respect her for. Our relation has had times of turbulence and a lack of miss communication and at times where I have been dominant and abusive, and had anger issues. Alhamdulilah I pray 5 times and have since controlled myself in behaving in such a way which as I used to upon courses and from my wife. We have been going on marriage reconciliation courses and Alhamdulilah was doing well till this incident.
My wife will not speak to me as she is disgusted with my act and that I have deceived her and lost her trust. So I speak to her father who says that she needs time to think things through and all the things we have gone through our relation have built up and has resulted in her eruption, wanting me to leave the house. Is this judgement correct for her to have a grudge now after 10 years of marriage to bring up everything from past?
I have spoken to my wife upon leaving over the phone and says that I need to better myself and seek forgiveness of my sin and that she has done istikhara and leaves it upon Allah to sort things out. Recently I have found out that in surah Talaq you are not allowed to throw
you spouse out of the house unless a major sin is committed. My wife said that I have not thrown you out on basis of khulla or seek divorce but for you to better yourself and then return when she thinks time is right or when Allah wills. She is pregnant and I don’t want to treat her in anyway out of surprise and turn up at the house and say your not allowed to throw me out. I would like a better approach as to what I should do and if what I am doing is correct?
I have mentioned that Allah created human to commit sin but the believer is he who accept his mistake and who repents and makes tauba. I have said I have repented for my mistake and that all I have to offer is to better myself. I have asked her father and also her to speak to someone one from my side of the family who I trust will speak of the truth and her family as according to Sha’ria , she agreed upon this but later apologised and disagreed just said shes not in the state to go over this. I respected her wishes and left it at that considering her pregnancy, but now I am coming to think that during pregnancy women can go through depression and make hasteful decisions or think irrationally but even if I wait till after the baby is born what if she goes in post natal depression.
Alhamdulilah I have 2 beautiful children who are suffering but their say I don’t want the kids having your bad influence.
I would greatly appreciate it if you could help. I am sorry I have written a big essay but I didn’t think it right if I only told you part of the story and for you to pass a judgement upon that because the scales wouldn’t be fair. I don’t want to make it sound like I am minimising my sin, but I continue praying that Allah guides me and helps me to work harder to abstain in turning to anything which earns me his displeasure.
A: It is not right of her to ask you to leave the home. This is the kuffaar style of going about doing things. This has got nothing to do with Islam. All you need to do is make taubah and repent sincerely and continue with your lives.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
عن الحسن قال سمعت أنس بن مالك يقول : لعن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ثلاثة رجل أم قوما له كارهون وامرأة باتت وزوجها عليها ساخط ورجل سمع حي على الفاح ثم لم يجب (جامع الترمذي #358)
عن عمر بن الحارث بن المطلق قال : كان يقال أشد الناس عذابا يوم القيامة اثنان امرأة عصت زوجها وإمام قوم وهم له كارهون (جامع الترمذي #359)
عن أبي هريرة : عن النبي صلى الله عليه و سلم قال لو كنت آمرا أحدا أن يسجد لأحد لأمرت المرأة أن تسجد لزوجها (جامع الترمذي #1159)
عن قيس بن طلق عن أبيه طلق بن علي قال : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم إذا الرجل دعا زوجته لحاجته فلتأته وإن كانت على التنور (جامع الترمذي #1160)
عن أم سلمة قالت : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم أيما امرأة ماتت وزوجها عنها راض دخلت الجنة (جامع الترمذي #1161)