Subject: Question about husband and wife intimate relationship
I am felling awkward sharing my intimate life but fear of Allah’s obedience is much higher than secrecy of my private life.
I am mother of three beautiful kids. My husband is loyal, respectful to me and he is good father of our kids. We have wonderful family life Alhumdulliah.
My question is about our bedroom life. From my husband perspective, after many years of marriage things become slate, to bring some excitement back into our intimate life’s, my husband start buying me lingerie’s and start asking me to doll-up in costumes. These lingerie’s very from next to nothing to all cover-up. At times he even get excited with my hijab and abaya and asked me to dress up in hijab and abayas in different styles in bedroom. Asked me to dance in front of him and danced with me. All this role playing, dressing and intimacy happen strictly behind closed doors. He also pushes me to try different positions for intercourse. I tried to avoid all this but then he talked about his rights as husband and read some internet fatwas to me where according to them what he is asking is very much halal and as wife it’s my duty to fulfill his desires. And I pretty much lost the argument when he said “he does not want to look elsewhere to fulfill his desires and if I do not cooperate then I am pushing him to look around”.
My question is: Is it OK to dress-up in such manner for your husband in very much privacy of your bedroom? If so, is it OK to wear hijab and abaya as intimate clothes for your husband if he asks? Is it OK to dance with your husband in privacy of your home? Is it OK to try different strictly viginal intercourse positions? What are my duties as a wife? Don’t get me wrong, I also enjoy when he get excited and treat me like the most precious thing in his life but I do not want to offend almighty with any of my actions. Please answer me at your convenience.
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Walaikumussalam w w
May Allah reward you for asking a question which would be the minds of many, but they are too shy to ask. Ummul mu’mineen sayyidatuna Aysha radiallahu anha praised the ladies of Ansaar for asking questions which other ladies could not. She said “How good were the womenfolk of Ansaar! Hayaa did not prevent them from
Understanding their Deen”
I had to think deeply about how to answer your question. I even consulted Mawlana Bilal Saheb damat barakatuhum.
The answer is that there is no harm in any of the things you have mentioned, as long as any sin is not involved. By sin we mean watching porn, naoozu billah, or nude magazines, or just emulating other communities or anal sex, oral sex etc
In fact your husband is right in saying he wants to avoid looking elsewhere. You will be rewarded for keeping him happy, even though you are also deriving pleasure out of it.
Allah has made our intimate relationship the most pleasurable thing in this world. We don’t get so much joy in food, drink, sleep, entertainments or anything else. So enjoy your life and stay happy.
The sahaba are our models and they prayed at the time of praying and at the time of leisure they enjoyed themselves.
Sayyiduna Umar radiallahu anhu once asked “Ya Rasulallah last night I turned my ride around” He (saw) understood the meaning and just smiled.
During the journey of hajjatul wadaa, Asmaa wife of Zubair had performed umrah and become halal. Zubair arrived later and was still in Ihraam. He was sitting. Asmaa adorned herself applied some perfume and came and sat by his side. Zubair said “Go away! Go away! I’m still in Ihraam” she replied “Why? Do you think I’m gonna jump on you”
When laith ibn Sa’ad would get ready for intercourse, he would make lengthy duas and utter them with voice. Sometimes others could hear him too. “O Allah! Strengthen my organ; for there is benefit in there for my partner”
Abdullah ibn Abbas said “Do it from the front or from the back, however, avoid the back passage and during the state of mensturation”
We have been advised to look smart, stay clean, apply perfume, keep our breath clean, brush our teeth properly, use miswaak, etc
Aisha radiallahu anha says that the first action Rasullulah sallallahu alyhi wasallam would do upon entering the home would be to use miswak. The muhadditheen give various reasons for this. One of them is that he would approach his wife and though he was the most clean person, he taught us not to approach our wives with any foul smell in our mouths.
He would kiss Aysha radiallahu anha on her lips even during the fast.
So the conclusion is that our Deen is very easy, flexible, natural and it does not force us to do anything against our natural instincts.
However, keep things within limits. Remember that hayaa is part of imaan. So don’t overdo things. There are riwayaat which mention the dislikeness of walking around nude, even when alone. So be a bit careful.
All praise is due for Allah. May Allah guide as along sirate mustaqeem and give us the correct and complete understanding of our Deen.