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Abusive Husband: My Struggle as a New Convert Muslim Sister

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Muftionline.co.za

Q: I am a new convert muslim sister, after reverting to islam. I was interested in being married to avoid any sins on my part and have some religious support from a husband who can support me and help me become a strong muslimah. I spoke to my friend and she found me a guy who seem to be nice and all at the time we started talking and etc. Before marriage, he agreed to let me see my family who live in different state then I in the united states. After marriage, he started to act weird and changing around and play head games with me and not wanting to take me to see my family. With the grace and mercy of Allah, he has given me strength to wear niqaab, and as I feel bad to leave my husband and fly alone to see my family who live really far from me. He doesn’t seem to understand or want to understand or possibly care that they are my family and I need to seem them. Every time I bring the idea of seeing my family, he gets angry at me and just changes the subject. I avoid the situation and go along with it because I don’t want to end things with him. He also not only has this problem, but he is born muslim from Bangladesh and knows and goes in jamaat but his attitude and dealing with me is just pure harsh. All I do is work in telephone company and I go to work in niqaab. I come home to clean everything and also go to school and do everything to be perfect before he comes from work, but still he finds reasons to get mad at me and hate me and scream and treat me bad. I don’t know what to do. Not only this, he has physically and still physically abuses me every week or every other week when he has any problem at school or at work and doesn’t have good day, he just takes it out on me and hits me and curses at me and puts me down like I am some piece of trash. I love him a lot and I do everything to be good wife in getting reward from Allah. But now it has gone to far and I being beaten every week for the past 2 1/2 years like this and still haven’t seen my family. I can never discuss my feelings with him because he tells me I am annoying and just need to get out of his face. I also spend my time just being lonely and my family are far from Islam and non muslim so that really puts me in hard situation and they don’t like him at all. I recently met a person in a Islamic chatroom who told me that this has gone to far and needs to be addressed and that I need to stand up for myself. Now I feel some support that I have somebody who seems to care about me and feel a bit strong and I am ready to just leave him if he hits me again and the way he looks at me just doesn’t seem like I am his wife, but his enemy. I don’t ask anything of dunya from him but just for him to allow me in his life like I am supposed to be in it in the first place. I am his wife and he never talks to me in nice way. He just whenever feel ok just says something and most of the time he is either annoyed by me or just doesn’t want to hear from me till its night time and we go to bed. For 2 1/2 years this is going on and I being beaten and hit so much that I could barely walk sometime. I don’t show this because I don’t want him to end up in jail for this and need some support for this information. I would like to know that this person helped me a lot and now I want to leave him if he just hits me again and I will find another way and ask Allah for help but I cant be with him any more. He keeps saying he will change for the past one year but he never will change because he still hasn’t yet. He goes to anger management classes and it isn’t helping at all. He doesn’t want me anywhere near him or anything and I am really afraid of him now so I would like to know if it is ok if I leave him and ask for divorce in this situation?


A: If you are certain that life with him is not manageable and you have the patience to wait till you receive another good proposal then you should respectfully ask him to divorce you and continue with your life after you have ended the iddat.

Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)

This answer was collected from MuftiOnline.co.za, where the questions have been answered by Mufti Zakaria Makada (Hafizahullah), who is currently a senior lecturer in the science of Hadith and Fiqh at Madrasah Ta’leemuddeen, Isipingo Beach, South Africa.

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