I promised to put her through school. After finishing school she decided that she wanted to work. She then took up a job involving work in an environment with vulgar men and would come home late. This angered me but she continued. Then she took up another job as a salesgirl. Both these jobs involved commuting 50 miles. She watches obscene movies, wears western clothes and does not wear clothes that she had promised me before marriage. (Dupatta over her head).She works out in a gym wearing short sleeve T-shirts which I object to. She routinely misses her fajr prayers and other prayers. She goes to malls and would spend hours by herself without my permission. She has gone out and stayed out at night by herself with her friends against my permission and wants to make business trips outside our city several times in a year even if a mehram cannot accompany her. Out of desperation I have slapped her and cursed her. I have regretted that but it seems that she just does not want to listen. I have slept in a separate room to admonish her and have given her one Talaq and retracted it.If we talk about these issues and settle them in the light of fatwas and guidance from Islam she makes fun of this. I am trying to seek mediation to help us out. I don’t think that she is having an affair. If she decides not to change these ways and If she spends money that I earn in doing haram things am I responsible (mukallif) for all that she does?
Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding the problem you are presently experiencing in your marriage. Please forgive me for the delay in responding to your mail. The contents of your mail are quite disturbing and I make du that Allah Ta’ala will guide both of you to do the right thing, ameen.
Please do let me know how long you have been married for and if you have any children. I would also like to know if you have any family members or a learned person around your area who would be willing to help you to approach your wife and the problems you two are experiencing.
I wish to also point out to you that no matter how angry and hurt you feel about your wife’s behavior and words, do not raise your hands on her. You are opening yourself up to litigation and you know you can be torn to bits by your country’s laws. Do also remember that your wife is Allah Ta’al’s creation and you have not been given permission to violate her physically. I can understand that you feel frustrated because all your other attempts to get her to comply and to keep her promises are not having the desired effect. It is an indication of weakness on your part when you use your muscles against her as you know she cannot retaliate physically. Whatever you do, do not lose your self respect and do not incur the wrath of Allah Ta’ala. You have most certainly been told to have mercy and tolerance. She could easily use this against you in public so don’t even threaten her with violence or anything of that nature. You have to exercise wisdom, maturity and sabr.
Please do let me have the information as soon as possible. May Allah ta’ala guide both of you and remove your difficulties. Ameen.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
1SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai