THE HUSBAND – RULER OF THE HOUSE
Just as a nation requires a suitable ruler for the proper and efficient
functioning of the affairs of the society, the house unit too requires a
suitable ruler for the proper and efficient functioning of the affairs of
the house. The Qur’an and Ahãdith are replete with the appointment of the
husband as the ruler of the house.
However, it is essential that the husband understand that along with this
appointment follows many responsibilities. This appointment as a ruler is
not a license to misdirect authority and oppress the wife.
FEAR FOR ALLAH
The husband must understand that before he is committed to his wife, he is
first committed to Allah Taála. We believe in the concept of accountability
after death. The husband must constantly be conscious of standing before the
Court of Allah Taála and giving an account to Allah of his dealings with his
wife.
NATURE OF THE WOMAN
ÇÓÊæÕæÇ ÈÇáäÓÇÁÎíÑÇ ÝÇ äåä ÎáÞä ãä ÖáÚ
This Hadith indicates that a woman has shortcomings by nature.
1 It is the nature of a woman to make great materialistic demands.
2 She nags for her demands.
3 She is obstinate.
Although the Hadith is indicative to her shortcomings, the husband is
indirectly addressed to condition the brain and attitude to be tolerant and
accept the shortcomings as her natural instinct.
TOLERANCE : CONTAINING ONESELF.
It is obvious that the husband gets affected with situations adverse to his
nature. He gets angry. Rasulullah (() has guided us to adopt some measures
to suppress the anger. If the angry person is standing, he must sit down.
If he is still angry, he must lie down.
A strong person is he who contains his anger. Rasulullah (SAW) said,
“Whosoever swallows his anger whilst he is able to exercise it, Allah Taála
fills his heart with peace”.
INCIDENTS
Hadhrat Umar (Radhialaahu Anhu)’s wife once told him, ‘I know you go around
the streets of Medinah on the pretext of inspection but your motive is to
see the young girls’.
This statement is sure to aggravate Hadhrat Umar (Radhiallaahu Anhu) but he
contained himself and said, ‘Allah knows best my intentions’.
One pious person saw his friend in his dream after he died. He asked his
friend, ‘How did Allah deal with you’. He said, ‘Once I was tired and hungry
and when I came home my wife dished out rice. The rice did not have salt in
it. Although I was upset and angry, I contained myself. I did not express my
anger on my wife. Upon this tolerance Allah Taála forgave me’.
If a person has his daughter married, he would like his son-in-law to be
tolerant to his daughter’s shortcomings. So too should one be towards his
own wife’s shortcomings.
One should think, I am so sinful to Allah Taála, yet Allah is so tolerant
and kind. He did not punish me for my sins. Despite my sins, he feeds me and
clothes me. The husband must compare his shortcomings in fulfilling the
rights of Allah Taála with the shortcomings of his wife in fulfilling his
rights. This will help him to understand that he is comparatively weaker in
fulfilling his rights to Allah Taála than his wife to him.
TALAAQ
Rasulullah (SAW) said, “Amongst permissible things, the most disliked is
divorce”
Çä ÇÈÛÖ ÇáãÈÇÍÇÊ ÚäÏÇááå ÇáØáÇÞ
Husbands must understand that Talaaq is like a gun. A slight squeeze of the
trigger is enough. A word of divorce, thus the termination of the Nikah. It
must never be used just to threaten the wife.
Every husband and wife have some misunderstandings. However, threats of
Talaq must not be used to silence her.
The husband must apply a dignified method to explain and pacify the
situation.
MASAAIL ON TALAAQ
Words – Ruling
Distinct – Rajíee
Ambigious – Baáin
Explain the implications of Rajíee and Baáin.
However, if 3 Talaaqs are given, it is not irrevocable. Discourage the
giving of Talaaq.
REFORM
Allah says, “Advise them (the women) and leave them (in sleeping with them)
and hit them”
The verse clearly indicates that there should be a reformation process.
1st Advise – Make up her mind – condition her to be obedient.
2nd Advise – If she is still rebellious then separate beds.
3rd Advise – If she still disobeys then within very specific and distinct
measures he is given permission to lightly discipline her.
Such using of force is just to jolt her to obey. Physical abuse to satisfy
the anger is Haraam.
RIGHTS OF WIFE
Feeding
Clothing
Shelter (Surah Talaaq Vs. 6)
Generally, many marriages break up because of the husband not fulfilling the
rights of the wife. – Elaborate and speak on husbands being adequately
generous.
IN-LAWS
Marriage is a matter of giving and taking beyond principles. Sacrifice makes
a happy home.
Husband must respect his in-laws and vice versa. However, in many cases –
either of the spouses, one is not familiar with the in-laws and interference
from in-laws causes a bitterness in the marriage. In order to avoid external
interference between the spouses, the Shariah has stipulated as a precaution
that:
1 the wife has a right for A SEPARATE QUARTERS to maintain her privacy;
2 the husband cannot compel the wife to stay with his parents. Yes, if she
consents on her own without pressure, then it is her choice; and
3 the husband too can stop his in-laws from coming into his house.
“The Prophet (SAW) said during ‘Hajjatul Widãá’ “Fear Allah about women, for
verily you have taken them with the trust of Allah Taála.”
Hahrath Moulana Saheb, this is only a brief guideline.
The end